


Give Me Hope, Give Me Reason

by IvyYara



Category: Bohemian Rhapsody (Movie 2018), Queen (Band)
Genre: Angst, Denial of Feelings, Early Days, Eventual Smut, Fluff, Fluff and Smut, Friends to Lovers, Friendship, Hurt/Comfort, I will add tags as I go along, Implied Sexual Content, Jealousy, M/M, Misunderstandings, Smut, Tension
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-18
Updated: 2019-08-06
Packaged: 2020-01-16 03:44:45
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 28,099
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18513223
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IvyYara/pseuds/IvyYara
Summary: After joining the band more than a year ago, John could finally say he could be himself and no longer feel like an outsider, yet he had been reluctant to move in with them for more than one reason. When he has to leave his apartment, he has no choice but to take them up on their offer. Roger is more than pleased to help him feel at home, maybe a little too pleased?





	1. Chapter I

**Author's Note:**

> Hi everyone! So here I am again, with something that's probably not all that original, but hey I'm a sucker for it, so here we go again. I have most of this planned out, so hopefully I can update regularly if life and work don't get in the way.
> 
> Obviously this isn't canon, there is no actual timeline being followed but takes place in the early days. 
> 
> I hope you enjoy, let me know what you think, its very much appreciated <3

**Chapter I**

 

 

The van was already waiting outside in front of John’s apartment, the intrusive honking growing louder and if the rest of his building wasn’t awake already; they definitely were now. He made a mental note to remind himself to avoid his next door neighbour the next day, because this wasn’t the first time this had happened. The angry looks he had gotten were proof enough of that. He quickly took his bass with him and locked the door behind him.

When he came down and walked up to the van, it was still making a ruckus. He sped up his steps and looked back over his shoulder at his building to see Mister Stevenson peeking angrily through the curtains. _Shit._ When John reached the passenger seat window, he met Brian looking at him apologetically.

“Sorry John, I tried to stop him, but you know it’s like talking to a brick wall.”

John looked past Brian to see Roger grinning at him, “Morning Deaky, wasn’t sure if you heard me.”

“You might want to honk again; I don’t think the buildings two blocks away from here heard you.” John said sarcastically.

Roger chuckled, then Freddie appeared between Brian and Roger from where he was sitting in the back of the van. “It’s Roger's way of saying he wants you to move in with us, so we can stop picking you up every time.” he smiled.

John rolled his eyes; they had been bugging him for three months now to make him move in with them. “I’ll think about it,” he said and walked towards the back of the van to get in.

Freddie opened the door for him, “you always say that, I’m beginning to think you don’t want to live with us,” he said with a suspicious look on his face.

Roger turned around in his seat to look at John and smirked, “yeah, what’s that about John?”

“Who would want to live with bunch of misfits like you?” John said and stuck out his tongue at Roger.

Freddie laughed and bumped shoulders with John, “it takes one to know one, dear.”

“I guess so! I really have been hanging out with you lot to much.” John chuckled and got comfortable for the long drive ahead, while Roger pulled away from the side of the road.

Brian sniggered, “I’m glad you feel comfortable enough to make fun of us.”

“Now that you mention it, our Deaky has been getting cheekier the last few months.” Freddie laughed while he slapped John's knee.

John couldn’t help but chuckle, they were right; he had been getting a lot more comfortable over the past year. They had been playing together little over a year now and at first, he felt like the outsider and kept to himself most of the time. He didn’t really join in the discussions that frequently happened during rehearsals or any other time. He had always needed time to warm up to people and he liked to observe people before mixing himself in conversations. But because the others were very interested in his opinion it had been much easier for him to open up. It also helped that Roger took him under his wing and insisted that he’d go out with him as much as possible until John protested that he actually did need sleep and had to study.     

Roger looked at John in his rear view mirror, so John could only see his eyes twinkling with mischief, “it’s your loss Deaky, I happen to be a very good roommate.” he winked.

Brian and Freddie snorted simultaneously.

“What? I am!” Roger called out.

Brian raised his shoulders and his expression said otherwise, “there is room for improvement.”

“Yes darling, tell me one thing you do that makes you a good roommate?” Freddie said with a flick of his hand.

Roger turned his head towards Brian and looked then looked at Freddie over his shoulder, “I make breakfast for my guests!”

“Mind the road!” Brian said while he steadied himself on his seat because Roger was slightly swerving the road while he was talking to Brian. “so, what you are saying is that you make breakfast for random people you bring home, but not for the people who actually live with you?"

Roger shrugged and nodded, “pretty much, yeah.”

"How does that make you a good roommate?” Brian questioned again while raising his hands. 

"You seem to missing the point here Bri," Freddie smirked, "because you have to work for it, if you want it."

Brian turned his head to look at Freddie, “I’ll pass, but you have to agree that he should make us breakfast as an apology for keeping the whole house awake.” Brian grumbled.

“You are just jealous Brian.” Roger grinned.

Brian just rolled his eyes at that and John chuckled, “you know this doesn’t make living with you guys seem even remotely appealing.”

“Aww why not? You know you love the bickering,” Freddie smirked, “I’m sure Roger will make you breakfast even without having to shag him.”

John’s eyes grew wide and he couldn’t stop the blush that was now forming on his cheeks. His eyes flicked towards Roger’s eyes staring back at him in the mirror, amusement clear in them.

“Of course, I will,” Roger said sweetly, but winked at John when Freddie wasn’t looking his way, making John’s face grow even hotter and he quickly looked away.

John normally wasn’t bothered by Roger’s flirting or when Freddie would make inappropriate suggestions, it hardly ever took him by surprise anymore. But when Roger winked at him just now, it had meaning and both him and Roger knew that. What Freddie and Brian didn’t know was that when John first joined the band, Roger had taken him out for a night out at one of the pubs they frequently visited. During that night he and Roger had gotten very shitfaced, because him joining the band had to be celebrated; which they did. But celebrating turned into dancing and dancing turned into wandering hands and wandering hands eventually turned into making out in a dark corner in the back of the pub.

After that night and the hangovers that next morning, they decided together not to make a big deal out of the whole thing; both agreeing that Freddie and Brian didn’t need to know, that it was mostly innocent. So that’s what they did and hadn’t really talked about it ever since. But that didn’t stop the lingering glances, seemingly innocent touches and flirting between them. It was obvious that they had chemistry and they grew to be great friends, but despite knowing better John wondered how things would be if they were more than that.

He looked Roger’s way again who was now animatedly talking to Brian about the new song he had written and was drumming a part of it on the steering wheel with his fingers. His enthusiasm was contagious, and John could feel himself smiling, he then quickly pushed that last thought out of his head; deciding that being friends with Roger was more important than any silly feelings that still remained from that one night on which they both agreed didn’t really mean much at all.

 

  

***

After their gig, they got home very late that night and John was exhausted. The gig went very well and the crowd at the pub seemed to enjoy themselves and their music. The rush during a performance was one of the best feelings in the world. But having to drive back home after was tiresome to say the least. The ride back to London felt even longer when you couldn’t see the road in front of you. When they finally reached John’s apartment he just wanted to collapse on his bed and sleep. Brian pulled up next to the sidewalk, “there we are John.”

John turned his head to the side to where Roger was leaning against his shoulder sleeping soundlessly. John nudged him softly to signal him so that he wouldn’t tip over when he got out of the van. “Rog, we are at my stop.”

Roger whined but didn’t open his eyes and took a hold of John’s arm stopping him from moving. “just come with us, we have a spare room anyway.” He murmured.

Freddie turned his head and grinned, “look at him, how can you say no to that?”

John rolled his eyes at Freddie before looking at Roger again who now had one eye open and was looking at him with small smile tugging at his lips. Roger knew exactly how to get what he wanted and never had a problem of using it on John.  

But this time he wouldn’t give in, “we are already at my place anyways.” John said while he got out of Roger’s grip and took his bass before opening the back doors of the van.

Roger pouted at him, “you're mean.”

“Okay Deaky, but you will give in one day!” Freddie said dramatically.

John chuckled, “yeah, yeah, see you all later.”

“See you John,” Brian called sounding just as sleepy as John felt, “well played tonight!”

John nodded and hopped out the van. When he wanted to close the door his eyes met Roger’s, who was smiling at him. “miss you already.” he said and winked.

While shaking his head in amusement, John closed the door and knocked on the back of the van two times to signal Brian he could leave. He walked up to his building seeing the van disappear around the corner. The steps to his apartment felt heavier with each step he took; he was absolutely knackered and couldn’t wait to sleep. When he reached his hallway, he frowned when he saw a note hanging on his door, he was sure that wasn’t a good sign. With trembling fingers, he took the note and read the scribbly handwriting;

_Mr. Deacon,_

_I’m really sorry I have to do this, but because of the continuous noise complaints I have been getting these last few months from your neighbours, I have no other choice but to ask you to leave the apartment. I’ll give you two days to clear out your stuff and move out._

_Again, my apologies._

_Mr. Benson._

_Fuck!_ John stared at the note and cursed softly.It looked like the others got what they wanted much sooner than expected. He got his key and opened the door, closing it a little harder than necessary, not caring if his neighbours woke up. He was upset, he really liked to have his own place where he could go to get some peace and quiet. That was the reason why he had been reluctant to move in with the rest of the band, not being able to have a moment for himself, having people around him at all times. He only had one roommate now, but he was rarely at home. The other reason why he didn’t take them up on their offer was because he was hesitant about living in the same apartment as Roger. He had a soft spot for him and that could make things problematic. But it seemed fate didn’t give him another choice.

He took the phone of the hook and dialled the number he called the most now a days. The phone rang a few times before someone picked up. “Hello?” of course it was Roger, he sounded sleepy.

“Roger?”

“John? Is something wrong?” Roger asked, his voice sounding a lot more alert now.

“Sort of,” John hesitated before continuing, “I think I’m going to have to move in.”

He could practically hear Roger smiling through the phone, it also wasn’t hard to picture his face when another thing had gone his way. John couldn’t help but smile at the image of Roger’s triumphant expression.

“That was easy, I was prepared to do a little more grovelling, but hey I’m not complaining. Why the sudden change of heart? It’s because you miss me, right?” Roger teased. “oh, and I know you just rolled your eyes at me.”

John chuckled because that’s exactly what he did, “yes Rog, I just can’t live without you.” he replied sarcastically, “it’s unbearable.” He could hear Roger laughing softly.

“I’m happy to hear that, but seriously what’s going on?” Roger asked.

“Mr Benson, the landlord kicked me out, my neighbour Mr Stevenson probably complained to him about this morning. He left me a note saying he got complaints from neighbours about noise these past few months.” John explained.

“What? seriously,” Roger exclaimed, “he can’t do that just like that right?”

 John shrugged, “apparently he can? I don’t know, just means I’ll have to move in faster than anticipated.”

“I'm sorry John, I can’t help but feel a bit responsible.” Roger said sounding apologetic, “when do you have to move out?”

“In two days, and it’s not your fault Roger,” John said softly, “they were probably just waiting for a reason. They really don’t like having students living in this building, because of all the parties and noise in the middle of the night. It was only a matter of time before they had enough.”

“I guess, but that doesn’t make it right.” Roger said weakly.

“It doesn’t, but I rather not make a big deal out of it.” John explained while he crumbled the note he was still holding in his hand and threw it in the bin.

“I’ll help you move out then.”

“Thanks.”

The line was silent for a bit, then he heard Roger take a breath, “are you sure you are okay with it, living with us I mean?” Roger asked, sounding worried.

John smiled to himself, “it’s fine Roger, it was bound the happen right? I would have rather have it under different circumstances, but what can you do?”

“That’s true,” Roger chuckled, “and look at it from the bright side, now you won’t have to live without me.”

“I’m going to hang up now.” John laughed and shook his head, “good night Roger.”

“Good night, John.” Roger said laughing as well.

 

 

***

 

 

“Why do you have so much stuff?!” Roger yelled from John’s bedroom.

“I have a normal amount of stuff!” John called back at him from the kitchen where he was sorting out the things that were his.

Roger appeared in the doorway of the bedroom looking annoyed, holding up two of John’s textbooks he was using for one of his classes. “how many books does one person need?”

John rolled his eyes, “those are textbooks Roger, you know the ones you use to study?” he said sarcastically.

“Oh, so that’s what they are for?” Roger replied equally sarcastic. He was now leaning against the doorframe. “I had no idea,” he added while raising his eyebrows and turning back into John’s bedroom.

After John had called Roger the night before, he had kept his word and stood in front of John’s door bright and early to help him move out. John couldn’t help but think he was a little too pleased about it all. Especially considering how he normally wasn’t up before eleven when he didn’t have class.

John finished putting all the stuff that was his from the kitchen in a box and put it with the other boxes that had already been packed with all the stuff from the living room. He walked to his bedroom to see roger sitting cross-legged on the floor, back leaning against the side off the bed with John’s record collection, flipping through his records. John looked around the room to find out that Roger hadn’t really done a lot of packing, only his books had been piled up in a box and his clothes were dumped on his bed, but that was about it.

“I see you have been making yourself useful.” he said while pointing at the boxes that were mostly empty.

Roger looked up and smiled, “I’m mostly here for emotional support.”

John started folding up his clothes neatly and put them in a bag. “Well, I definitely need that, seeing I’m going to be living with you.” John teased.

He didn’t see the pillow that came flying at his head in time to dodge it and he made a small _oof_ sound when it struck the side of face. He turned his head to see Roger sticking out his tongue at him. “You can forget about me making you breakfast now.”

“Good, because I wasn’t planning on waking up in your bed, anyway.” John said with a teasing smile.

Roger’s smirk grew even wider, “you should be so lucky.”

John rolled his eyes, “Yeah yeah, so you are a good lay, I heard that one before, can we continue packing now? Otherwise we will be here until tonight.”

Obviously, Roger wasn’t finished with the conversation, because he collapsed on John’s now unmade bed, happy to do anything but helping him pack. He turned on his side and propped his elbow under his head, staring at John with a smile. “How could you possibly know that Deaky?” he asked in delight.

“I don’t.” John stated, knowing he made a mistake when the words left his mouth, he bit his lip and didn’t look at Roger, knowing the next sentence that would be coming out of his mouth.

“You want to find out?”

John squinted his eyes at him, but he had trouble keeping a straight face, “it would kill you to be serious.”

“What? He chuckled, “it’s a genuine question.”

“Sure, it is, one I’m not going to answer right now.” John turned around and started putting his shoes in a box, trying to hide his amused expression from Roger, hoping he would drop it. _Of course, he wouldn’t._

“Not right now? So later you will?” Roger snickered.

John groaned and faced Roger again. “Can you remind me again why I am torturing myself by moving in with you?”

“Because we are friends, and you like me despite my less pleasant qualities.” Roger smiled and got up from the bed and started clearing out John’s desk. “and you know I was just taking the piss, right?”

“I certainly hope so.” John muttered.

Roger turned around and leaned against the desk looking at John with an expression he couldn’t quite place, it looked like a mix of surprise, hurt and confusion. But he couldn’t figure out which one was more prominent. He had John’s camera in his hand and was trying to figure out how to turn it on. “Didn’t know that the idea was that unappealing to you.” he said quietly, looking down at the camera.

 _Shit, hurt it was then._ John sighed, he sometimes forgot how the things he said could come across as very insensitive. He usually didn’t even notice how his sarcastic attitude could take people by surprise. “Roger, you know I didn’t mean it like that.”

“I know, it’s fine.” He mumbled while he finally seemed to have found out how to work the camera and held it up to take a picture of John, but before he did, he winked. “I’ll just take a picture of you and long for you in private.”

John threw his head back in annoyance and looked at the ceiling before walking towards Roger who was now grinning like a crazy person and ready to snap pictures. “Bloody hell Roger,” he started laughing, “give me back the camera, before you break it.”

Roger quickly moved away from John, laughing as well, “I know how to use a camera, I’m not stupid.” He moved to the other side of the room quickly and John followed him, as if they were playing a game of tag.

“You even had trouble turning it on.” John chuckled while he cornered Roger who was still laughing loudly when he slipped passed him and jumped on the bed. John could just grab his arm before he could roll off the other side. “Now give it back.” Holding up his other hand.

“One sec.” Roger grinned, while he leaned back and snapped the photo quickly before John could protest any further. He smiled at John when he lowered the camera again, his expression full of something John couldn’t place.

John tilted his head and could feel himself get flustered. “Are you done now?”

 Roger nodded and smiled, “only if you promise to give me that photo once it's developed.”

“Fine.” John groaned hoping to be done with this.

Roger raised his eyebrows in surprise, “that was easy, I had hoped you put up more of a fight.”

John chuckled, “it’s just a photo, can I have it back now?” pointing at the camera.

He could see Roger think, probably wondering what else he could come up with to annoy him some more. They had wasted so much time with all this and they weren’t even closed to finished yet.

“Yes, you can,” he smiled mischievously while holding out the camera, but pulling it back quickly when John reached out to take it from him. “but first…” he paused and turned his cheek towards John tapping it with is finger, “a thank you for helping you today.”   

John stared at him disbelief, “are you serious? we are not even finished, and you hardly did anything.”

“Fair”. Roger smirked, “well for being mean to me just now then.” And turned his cheek again.

John sighed in frustration, knowing it would be best to just humour Roger now, to finally be done with his antics. He leaned forward and kissed Roger on the cheek. When he leaned back Roger was smiling at him and handed him back his camera.

“If I had known you’d be this willing I would have thought of something else.” He grinned.  

“Don’t push your luck,” John said and shoved Roger’s arm playfully.

After Roger’s little teasing game they finally went back to packing. John found his gaze wondering ever so slightly towards Roger every few minutes. These past two days Roger had been more flirtatious and touchier with him than usual. He wondered what changed, or maybe he was just imagining things. He and Roger had always been quite close, so friendly touches weren’t unusual. Roger treated John like a human pillow whenever they were watching tv or when John was reading or studying on the sofa. He learned not to be surprised anymore.

It was something he had to get used to though, but he found out that all his bandmates were just really great friends and that this how they acted around each other. But he did have to admit that Roger was always touchier with him than with the others. Even Freddie noticed, saying that Roger was like a cat begging for John's affection and not even being subtle about it. John wondered if it was because what happened between them in the beginning.

He looked at Roger again, deliberating if he should ask him about it, if something changed between them. Maybe it was something he did, he didn’t know. But he wasn’t sure if bringing it up would make any difference, he wasn't sure what he wanted to achieve by asking. So, he decided to hold off on that and see if it happened more frequently or that it was all in his head.

In the end they finished packing up everything a little after nine. Brian and Freddie had come around to help them fill up the van, which was very much appreciated, because carrying all those boxes down the stairs more than once didn’t seem very appealing. When they were done, he stood in his bedroom, looking at it in its almost empty state didn’t affect him as much as he thought it would. He would miss the peace and quiet, but he had to admit he was excited to move in with his friends. He was sure it would be a challenge, but he was ready for it.

“John?”

He turned around to see Roger standing in the doorway, smiling at him gently.

“You ready to go?” Roger asked, pointing his thumb over his shoulder.

“Yeah,” John nodded and followed Roger, looking at the room one more time before closing the door.

Roger peered at him over his shoulder, “want to go for some pizza on the way back?”

John put his apartment keys on the kitchen counter and tapped the counter with his hand twice, before following Roger out of the apartment, not looking back while he let the door fall closed in its lock. “sounds good, I’m starving.” 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading <3 I hope you enjoyed, let me know what you think.  
> I hope it wasn't too slow this first chapter, but in my head it was needed... I think? So hopefully you'll bare with me for the next one ;)
> 
> Also if you want come talk to me on Tumblr. (same user as here).


	2. Chapter II

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John moved in with the rest of the boys, despite a few little things he seems to be feeling at home. Roger behaviour is still troubling him, but he can't be too sure. It hasn't gone unnoticed by Freddie though.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone! First of all thanks for all of you who left comments and kudos and reading the first chapter, it is very much appreciated. Im so glad to see you seemed to have enjoyed it! <3 
> 
> So here is the second chapter, I hope you will all enjoy this one as well.

**Chapter II**

 

 

It had been three weeks since John moved in with the rest of the band, he was surprised he felt at home so quickly, but it did take some getting used to. He had never lived with more than one roommate and it was a challenge to say the least. John had to remind himself on different occasions that the people he was living with were his friends and bandmates. Never once before had he felt the need to strangle at least one of them a few times a week, but he didn’t think that finding another guitarist as good as Brian, a drummer with Roger’s talent or a voice like Freddie’s would be an easy task. If he thought the bickering during rehearsals or before gigs had been bad, the bickering in the flat reached a whole different level. The fact that most of the arguments they had where on trivial matters, made John want to lock himself in his own room and not come out again for the rest of the day.

The arguments could be about anything; who’s turn it was to do the dishes, who should be taking out the garbage or games of scrabble where the discussion about if a word was a real or not was more important than the actual game itself. All of these things were still rather innocent, and John could learn to live with them. What irritated him most was that he found himself having trouble sleeping on different occasions, not because the bed was horrible; it was fine, better even than in his last apartment. No, it was because Roger and Freddie insisted on being loud and made a ruckus whenever they got back from a pub in the middle of the night. Both John and Brian liked a night out as much as the next person, but Roger and Freddie seemed to have made a it a challenge to see who out of the two of them could get home more shit faced or have the loudest sex.

The last example had happened again last night, Roger had decided to bring back some random bloke to their flat, after coming home at three thirty in the morning and having loud and probably meaningless sex. John had pressed his pillow against his ears in the hopes of blocking out the sound of the steady thumping of Roger’s headboard against the wall of their adjoining rooms. He even tried humming loudly to himself, hoping he could block all of it out with his own voice and go back to sleep, but the other sounds that were coming from Roger’s room made it impossible to fall asleep again. Long after they stopped their activities, John was still staring at the ceiling, he had been wide awake but succeeded in falling asleep again early in the morning from sheer exhaustion.

When he woke up again the sun was peeking through the curtains, and the light was signalling him to get out of bed. He felt reluctant to get out, not just because he was still dead tired, he also really wanted to avoid Roger and his company that morning, because situations like that made him feel uncomfortable. Roger never seemed to care, which John didn’t understand seeing how he was able to ‘enjoy’ the show. Most of the times when Roger had someone over, he had been able to evade them. Generally, because he had an early class and he would be out the door before Roger would wake up. Seeing that it was a Sunday he didn’t think he would be that lucky that morning.

Figuring he had to get out sometime John slung his legs over the side of the bed and stretched his arms above his head before walking towards the kitchen to get some much needed coffee that morning. If he had to wait for Roger to get up and get that bloke out of the door, he might have to wait another hour or so and he really wasn’t in the mood for that. When he reached the kitchen, Brian was already sitting at the kitchen table eating breakfast while reading a magazine, a steaming hot cup of coffee in front of him. He met John’s eyes as he gazed up when John came towards him, he smiled knowingly, the bags under his eyes revealing he also didn’t have the best night.  

“Morning John, there is still coffee in the pot,” Brian said as he pointed towards the counter where there was a full pot of coffee waiting for him. “Rough night?”

John reached for the cupboard to get a cup and took the coffeepot and sat down next to Brian, “Is it that obvious?” he asked while he poured himself a cup.

Brian took a piece of toast and smeared it with jam and smiled while he took a bite, swallowing before he answered, “he was rather loud last night, and my room isn’t even next to his.” before taking another bite.

“Doesn’t he have a filter?” John joked while he took a piece of toast himself and put cheese on it. “Or does he just not care?”

“Does he usually?” Brian chuckled.

John laughed, “I suppose not.”

“Should we talk to him about it later?” Brian asked while he finished his toast and took a big sip of his coffee.

John groaned, “I don’t know, I’m really not looking forward to that.”

“Not looking forward to what?”

It was Freddie as he came stumbling out of his room, looking like he hadn’t slept at all. But that probably didn’t have anything to with Roger’s nightly activities, but simply because of the amount he had to drink last night. Because John could still smell the faint smell of alcohol lingering around him.

“Not your best look Fred.” Brian teased, “had fun last night?”

“I’ll pretend I didn’t hear that first part darling.” Freddie said while he took a cup from the cupboard as well and held it up for John to pour him some coffee, before sitting next to him and lighting a cigarette. “Yes, I had the best time actually, and you two would have known that if you weren’t being spoil sports and just went with us.”

John snorted, “I feel as though I was there, with the amount of sleep I had.”

“Ah, was our little drummer up to no good again?” Freddie chuckled.

“Good for him.” Brian mumbled while he rolled his eyes. “can’t say I enjoyed it very much.”

“Going to talk to him about it?” Freddie asked while he blew out smoke towards the ceiling.

John worried his lip between his teeth, he really didn’t want to talk to Roger about this. Talking about it made him feel uncomfortable and knowing Roger he would turn it around on him and teasing him with it. The flirting still hadn’t stopped, it was still subtle, and he didn’t even know if Roger did it deliberately, but he couldn’t imagine that Brian and Freddie didn’t notice on a few occasions.

“I’m not sure that will do any good?” John questioned, while sipping his coffee.

Brian agreed, “I doubt it, when has Roger ever cared about our opinion on this matter?”

Before they could discuss it further, Roger’s bedroom door opened, and he emerged with a young man in tow. John eyed both of them over the rim of his coffee cup, feeling anxious already as they approached the kitchen table. The young man had a lanky figure with shoulder length chestnut brown hair, he was probably not much taller than John himself and John couldn’t help but think he resembled him in a way, but he pushed that thought out of his head as quickly as possible, settling for coincidence. It wasn’t Roger’s usual type though, he normally brought guys home that were taller and more muscular, this was definitely new.

Freddie seemed to think the same thing because he looked him up and down and then out of the corner of John’s eye, he could see Freddie’s eyes flick towards him before flicking back towards Roger’s company and smiled around his cigarette. Roger was only wearing a pair of pyjama bottoms and his hair was a mess. He stretched his arms above his head as he walked towards the kitchen counter. John couldn't deny he looked good, he quickly looked down because he could feel his face getting flushed. 

“Good morning, this is Jason,” Roger said as he leaned against the kitchen counter and motioned his hand at him. “he spent the night.”

They all mumbled a good morning, Freddie’s sounding more enthusiastic than John and Brian’s. Both him and Brian seemed as uncomfortable with the situation as Jason was, because he flushed to a deep shade of pink the moment Roger told them he stayed the night.

Jason held up his hand in an awkward wave, “uhm good morning.”

“We were aware, darling.” Freddie snickered, “or mostly John and Brian were, I passed out the moment my face hit the pillow.”

Roger glanced towards Brian and John, his eyes meeting John’s a little longer than necessary, panic flashing through them for a second, when John averted his eyes looking down at his cup of coffee before talking another sip. Brian acted like he was far more interested in his magazine than he really was.

“Oh…” Roger murmured while he rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly not able to form any other words realizing what Freddie just said.

John could feel the awkward tension in the room, the silence not making it any better. He felt really bad for Jason, because the guy looked like he wanted the ground to swallow him whole at this point. “I should probably go Roger,” he said quietly as he was already grabbing his coat and walking towards the door before Roger could turn his head. “I have this thing later today and I don’t want to be late.” Which was obviously an excuse to escape as fast as possible.

Roger blinked a few times because of Jason’s sudden want to leave, “okay.” he said softly before joining him at the door to let him out.

“It was uhm nice to meet you guys,” Jason told them. “I’ll see you later Roger.” and before Roger could reply he was out of the door, leaving him staring down the hallway with a puzzled look on his face.

“Well that was awkward,” Freddie commented when the door was closed.

“That was nice guys, you scared him away.” Roger said while he dropped on the chair next to Freddie and took a piece of toast.

“Hardly,” Brian huffed. “did you inform him you had three roommates?”

Roger took a big bite of his toast, “that didn’t come up.” he said voice sounding muffled.

Brian shook his head and got up from his seat to put his dishes away, “of course it didn’t, no wonder he practically ran out the door.”

Roger shrugged, “probably won’t be hearing from him again.”

“If he can’t handle a few roommates, he won’t be able to handle you dear.” Freddie smiled, and pressed out his cigarette in the ashtray. “You can do much better.”

When Freddie said that, Roger’s eyes quickly flicked towards John again. John didn’t notice because he had just gotten up out of his seat to put his dishes away as well. “I’ll do the dishes Brian, it’s my turn.”

“Thanks John,” Brian said, “I’m going to take a shower, hopefully that’ll wake me up.”

“Don’t use up all the hot the water!” Roger called after Brian as he tore his gaze away from John.

Brian peeked his head around the corner, “ _You_ are the last one to shower today, as punishment for keeping John and me awake half of the night.”

"I think that's more than reasonable." John chuckled from where he was standing at the kitchen counter as he had started doing the dishes.

“How is that fair?” Roger asked in annoyance and looked at Freddie for support.

Freddie in turn put up his hands in front of him and leaned back, “don’t look at me, this is your own doing.”

“Fine!” Roger grumbled and silently continued eating his breakfast.   

John silently did all the dishes, while yawning every now and then. Roger and Freddie were talking about what had been going on at the pub last night and kept saying that he and Brian should have joined them. John could feel Roger’s eyes on him but focused on what he was doing, not really in the mood to mix himself in the conversation. The lack of sleep also didn’t do his overall mood any good. The others often knew when John didn’t want to be bothered, having found out first-hand what he could be like when he was agitated.

Roger seemed to notice this was one of those times, because he didn’t make his usual flirty remarks or brought up last night again, which was a relief to John. He jumped a little when Roger suddenly stood behind him and reached past him to put down his dishes, Roger seemed to notice John’s discomfort, “oops, sorry Deaky.” he said while his lower arm brushed softly against John’s and it made his arm hairs stand up. John rolled his eyes; _did he really need to stand this close?_

When John finished the dishes, he went and took out the garbage. When he got upstairs again Freddie and Roger where having a conversation, he dawdled a little on purpose so he could hear what they were saying.

“You can’t blame me for asking, Rog, he’s not your usual type now is he; you can’t deny the resemblance.”

The scraping sounds of a kitchen chair on the floor, meant that Roger seemed to have had enough and his temper got the better of him. “oh, shut up, I’m done with this conversation.” and stomped back towards his room, pausing when John stepped through the door again, probably wondering if he heard anything. But true to style, Roger didn’t seem fazed and winked at him before disappearing in his room again.

John turned his attention to Freddie and raised his eyebrows, “what was that about?”

“Nothing darling, don’t worry about it.” Freddie smiled as he started reading Brian’s magazine he left behind on the table, probably to occupy himself, not because he was interested in the subject.

But John did worry, because he had a pretty good idea what they had been talking about before he stepped back in the flat. But he didn’t know what that meant exactly, and he couldn’t ask Roger about it without making a fool of himself. So, John did what he usually did when things like this bothered him; he didn’t talk about it and pushed it out of his head.

 

 

 

***

 

 

 

That same night after dinner John was sitting on the sofa reading a book for one of his classes, he had made himself comfortable and was drinking a cup of tea while reading. He liked having these rare moments of peace, where he didn’t need to retreat to his own room because Freddie and Roger were too loud for him to concentrate on his reading. Fred and Brian were out to the grocery store and Roger had been in his room for most of the day, he had only come out to take a shower. John had heard him cursing in the bathroom, probably since the hot water was all gone.

He hadn’t heard Roger come up to him because he had completely zoned out and was focused on his book, he only noticed him when he sat down next to him. John could feel Roger watching him, so he glanced up briefly to acknowledge his presence. “what’s up Rog?” he asked and went back to reading.

He shrugged, “nothing much really, what are you doing?”

“Just catching up with my reading for a class.”

Roger started picking at the sleeves of his shirt, “ah.”

“Was that all?” John looked up again and tilted his head a little, “because I have a feeling that you aren’t just here to ask me what I’m doing.”

A small smile touched his lips, “you got me.”

“What is it then?” John questioned while he closed his book and put it on the arm of the sofa and turned to face Roger properly.

Roger took a breath, seemingly a bit hesitant to talk. “I wanted to tell you this morning, but you didn’t seem to be talkative mood.” he explained. “But I just wanted to let you know I feel bad about keeping up last night.”

John smiled; Roger was right about him not being very eager to talk that morning. By now his mood was much better, he wasn’t really upset anymore, only the tiredness remained. “It’s fine Roger, don’t worry about it.”

“Is it really?” Roger asked and he shifted to face John still looking a little worried.

“Yeah it is. I mean, I could have probably played a riff along with the steady banging against the wall,” John said cheekily, “but the moaning threw me off a little.”

Roger’s expression changed from relieved to shocked in a matter of seconds before he started laughing, “I’m glad I could provide some beats for you then.”

“I wouldn’t mind not using that that service again though.” John chuckled, “Or if you have to, try and tone it down a bit.”

Roger smiled, “fairly noted.” and gently bumped shoulders with John.

John took his book again opened it again from where he left off and smiled, “great, glad we could have this _not at all_ awkward talk.”

Before he could start reading again Roger spoke up, he looked up to see a playful expression on his face. “You know?” he started, and he moved to sit closer to John and continued, while his fingers started playing with the string of John’s hoodie. “There is a way we could avoid this whole thing from happening altogether.”

John narrowed his eyes at him, there it was again the flirting, he already had a feeling what was coming next. “Is there now?”

“There is,” Roger nodded, “curious to find out?”

He knew he really shouldn’t play along with it, but he was too tempted, “you shouldn’t make suggestions when you won’t be able to follow through on them.” John teased, knowing it would get to him.

Roger raised his eyebrows and his eyes twinkled with amusement, “are you challenging me?”

John smiled, “maybe?”  

Roger moved even closer to him and leaned in to whisper in his ear. “I think you're bluffing.”

John shivered when he felt Roger’s breath on his ear, it didn’t escape Roger, he leaned back with a curious look and let his eyes wander over John’s face. He didn’t say anything about it and just smiled and John was glad he didn’t tease him about it.

“Maybe.” he repeated.

Roger let out a snort, “don’t tempt me.”

“What? Scared I will get you to do something you might regret?”

“No.” he sighed before he continued, “that’s the point, I'm not the one who is scared.”

“Huh?” John frowned; not sure what Roger was getting at.

“Nevermind, it’s not important.” Roger said quietly.

But his facial expression changed from amused to rather sad, John wasn’t entirely sure what had happened. Roger had been his usual self just seconds before and he wondered what was going on inside his mind. John hated it when couldn’t figure someone out, especially when one of his friends seemed sad, because he didn’t know how to help them. What he did know was it happened a lot when Roger was being flirty with him, making insinuations about them hooking up. It’s what they did, Roger flirted and teased; John went along with it but shot it down in the end. It had been like that ever since they decided not to let what happened between them be an influence on their friendship and it worked for the past year. But for some reason it looked like that had changed, and Roger seemed gloomy every time that happened.

John snapped out of his train of thoughts when Roger waved the remote in front of him. He tilted his head; a small smile had returned on his face. “Where did you go just now?”

“Oh sorry.” John smiled apologetically, “just zoned out a bit, what were you saying?”

“I asked if you wanted to watch some tv?”

John eyed his book that was now laying on his lap still open on the same page where he left off when Roger sat next to him. He had hardly registered what he had read before, deciding he would just start over he snapped the book shut and returned Roger’s smile. “Sure.”

Roger’s smile grew wider when John agreed, he turned on the tv and zapped through the channels as he always did, commenting on the shows he passed, complaining how most of them were re-runs. When he finally settled on some comedy, he lit a cigarette and went to sit cross-legged on the sofa. “at least it’s a good one.” He commented his eyes not leaving the tv.

John moved to sit a little closer and pulled up his legs to his chest and rested his chin on his knees, trying to follow what was going on. But after about fifteen minutes of gazing at the tv he found himself not really paying attention to what was happening. After repeatedly rubbing his eyes he could feel his eyelids grow heavy, and before he could help himself, he drifted off into a light sleep.

He was slightly aware of a door opening, but he didn’t have the energy to open his eyes to see who was entering the room. He also didn’t register who was talking, or what they were saying.

Freddie and Brian had come back from the grocery store and Freddie stared at the scene in front of him with a soft smile; In his sleep John had shifted and stretched himself across the sofa with his head now resting in Roger’s lap, one hand lay on Roger’s knee. Roger had been staring at him with a soft expression, no longer paying attention to the tv. He didn’t seem to notice that Freddie was staring at them, too distracted to having noticed them coming in at all. He looked up when Freddie cleared his throat gently.

Roger quickly shushed him with a finger to his lips and glanced down when John moved a little in his sleep, a lock of hair had fallen across his face. Roger reached down to tuck it behind his ear gently. Freddie snickered softly and Roger looked up with an annoyed expression, mouthing, _“what?”_

Freddie looked amused and raised his eyebrows, mouthing back, _“nothing.”_ but he gave a much suggestive wink after that. Which earned him a roll of the eyes from Roger before he flipped him off. Freddie laughed softly, not at all impressed and turned around to help Brian.

Long after Brian and Freddie had retreated in their own rooms, John woke up slightly disoriented, wondering why he wasn’t in his bed. The flickering bright light from the tv had woken him and the light was now illuminating the room. He heard a soft snoring above him, and he realised he had fallen asleep on Roger’s lap. That wasn’t that unusual, it happened before, but for some reason it felt different. He also wondered why Brian or Freddie didn’t wake them when they went to bed themselves.

He leaned back to sit up and squinted at the bright light of the tv before turning it off, now the only light coming in the room was from the street lights outside. Roger’s position seemed very uncomfortable; his head was slightly tipped back against the back of the sofa and he was still sitting in the same cross-legged position. “Roger,” he tugged softly on Roger’s arm. “Rog, wake up.”

Roger let out a startled snore, “what? John?” His voice sounded hoarse, “what are you doing in my bed?”

“I’m not in your bed.”

“Shame, must have been dreaming then.”

John rolled his eyes and stood up from the sofa, “Well I would suggest moving it to your real bed, because that’s what I’m going to do.”

Roger stretched his arms and legs and got up as well. “What? You’re going to dream of me?” he teased still sounding sleepy.

“Yes, didn’t you know? I dream about you every night.” he said sarcastically while he walked up to his room and paused in the doorway.

Roger stopped at his door his hand on the doorknob, “stop it Deaky, you’re making me blush,” and winked before entering his room.

John smiled and shook his head as he stepped inside his room, but before he could close the door behind him, he heard Roger calling him again.

“John,” he whispered.

He took a step back so he could lean his head around the corner and see Roger leaning against the doorframe.

“What?”

“Good night.”

John smiled, “Good night Rog.” and stepped back into his room.

Roger sighed, closed his eyes and softly thumped his head against the doorframe before going back inside.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading <3 I wasn't too sure about the chapter, hoping again the pacing isn't to slow, but I promise things will be picking up in the next one. Let me know what you think, its much appreciated ;)


	3. Chapter III

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The guys persuade John to finally go out with them again, he reluctantly agrees, but wished he didn't.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! it's me again, with another chapter ;3. Once again thank you to everyone that read, left kudos and comments on this story. I'm super happy about the feedback you have given me so far. I hope you are still enjoying this and hopefully you will enjoy this chapter as well. Please, let me know what you think, I'd love to hear you guy's thoughts.

 

**Chapter III**

 

 

 

“Come on John! You promised you would come along tonight.” Freddie complained.

“Yeah!” Roger agreed sounding disappointed, “you haven’t gone out with us in like a month.” He was still sitting behind his drum kit. “even Brian is coming with.”

“Hey? What’s that supposed to mean?” Brian questioned obviously offended.

“You know what I mean.”

John rolled his eyes; he put away his bass. They had finished rehearsal and he had just announced he thought about not going out tonight, because he still had to finish a project and a ton of reading needed to be done. His announcement didn’t go down well with Freddie and Roger.

“It’s not like I don’t want to go,” John sighed and collapsed on the old sofa that stood in their rehearsal space. “I just have so much to do still.”

He really could use a night out but thinking about all the work that was waiting for him at home gave him horrible anxiety. John had always been a perfectionist with everything he did, but he also made things a lot harder for himself because of that, not easily satisfied with his own work.

“Oh, come on Deaky, please?” Roger asked and came up behind the sofa and wrapped his arms loosely around John’s neck, probably thinking he could persuade him that way. “I’ll buy you a drink!”

“You still owe me one from the last time we went out.” John pointed out, while being a little distracted by the familiar scent of Roger’s cologne.  

“See, I don’t even remember that because it’s been so long since you went with us.”

“How convenient.” John said sarcastically

Roger just grinned and pulled away from him, letting his hands drag over his shoulders a bit longer than strictly necessary and walked towards the door where Brian and Freddie where waiting for them, John followed them out the door and towards the van.

“Sometimes you have to blow off some steam Deaky.” Freddie commented over his shoulder when they were outside.

John shrugged, “I suppose.”

“Yes please, John, don’t make me go alone with these two.” Brian said before he slipped in the driver’s seat, while Freddie and John got in the back of the van. “I’d feel like a babysitter.”

"Hey!” Roger and Freddie said simultaneously.

John chuckled, “okay fine! but  _you_.” he pointed at Roger, who was sitting in the passenger seat, “you owe me two drinks!” The smile Roger gave him in turn told him he was absolutely fine with that.

 

 

***

 

  

Later that night John was leaning against the bar of a disco, that Freddie and Roger picked out. He had never been there before, but if the amount of people were any indication, he would think it was a popular place, because it was very packed. It was hard to see over the crowd of people dancing, but he could just spot a blond head of hair he would recognise anywhere near the edge of the dance floor.

John enjoyed disco’s, he liked to dance, which lots of people were surprised about when they first met him. It was all the more fun seeing people’s amazed expressions when they saw that he was more than a capable dancer. He was never short of attention when he danced, which had become a way for him to meet guys. However, John didn’t feel the need to bring someone home every other week, but he wasn’t innocent in that department either. But since he moved in with the others two months ago, he hadn’t even made an effort of meeting anyone. It wasn’t the thought of bringing someone home that horrified him, it was the morning after that did. The memory of the awkward meeting with Jason still etched in his brain. 

He looked next to him; Brian was leaning against the bar as well looking absolutely miserable. This wasn’t Brian’s scene, but he went along anyway to humour the rest of them, but also to keep an eye on them and making sure they got home safely. When they went to a pub, they all knew well, he wouldn’t bother as much, but this was a new place and they didn’t know what sort of people came with it. John thought it was ridiculous and not necessary, but appreciated it, nonetheless.

Brian grumbled while they waited to be served, “of course they bring us to one of these places.”

“Sorry Brian.” John chuckled, “looks like you have to dance.”

“I don’t dance Deaky.”

John twirled a beer mat between his fingers and laughed. “Freddie will be so disappointed.”

“He’ll be too busy with other things to be disappointed about my awful dancing.” Brian joked while he tried to get the attention of the bartender, who was occupied with two girls with dangerously deep cleavage.

“I wouldn’t know, I have never seen you dance.”

Brian turned his head with smile, still signalling the bartender with his hand they wanted to order, “believe me when I say you really don’t want too.”

John snickered and turned around to lean his back against the bar while the bartender finally made his way towards Brian. He watched the crowd again, the disco lights shone brightly over the sea of people and he could feel the bass vibrating in his chest. His gaze was being pulled towards Roger, who was swaying to the beat and laughing about something Freddie had just said to him.

As if he knew he was being watched, he turned his head and his eyes searched until they caught John’s. Roger eyes looked even brighter than they usually did, but it could be the light that was playing tricks on him. They stared at each other for a few seconds but to John it felt a lot longer, it was hard for him to tear his gaze away, he could feel his heartbeat quicken and his cheeks felt warm when Roger smiled and tilted his head slightly, probably wondering why John was staring at him, but he did seem rather pleased about it.

Roger then gestured with his hand for him to come to the dancefloor. John shook his head and tried to silently communicate that they were still waiting for their drinks, by pointing at the bar behind him. From the corner of his eye he could see Brian paying, and beers were being put in front of him. Roger acknowledged with a thumbs up and seemed to mouth something at him which he quite couldn’t make out. But knowing Roger it must have been, “hurry up.”

Brian held up John’s beer in front of him. “You can go ahead if you want.” He offered while he nodded his head towards the dance floor.

“You sure?” John questioned feeling bad for wanting to go there and leave Brian alone, knowing he wouldn’t be coming with him, “I can stay here with you.”

“Yeah,” Brian nodded and handed him Roger’s drink, “tell Fred I have his drink and that if he wants it, he has to come and get it.”

John laughed, “will do,” and made his way towards the others. He pushed through the pack of dancing people, trying his best not to spill any over anyone. The disco was scorching, and he was glad he wore a thin shirt, because it was even more noticeable with all the people around him.

Roger smiled when he saw him approaching, “there you are, took you long enough.” He teased.

“Do you want your drink or not?”

“Where is my drink?” Freddie complained.

“Brian has it, he said he’s not coming over here.”

Freddie let out a groan, “that man is to stubborn for his own good, I’ll be right back.” And he disappeared in the crowd.

John turned his attention to Roger who had moved closer to him, trying to take his beer from him, which John pulled away out of his reach, “ah ah,” he tutted, “what do you say then?”

Roger smirked, enjoying John’s teasing “thank you Deaky.”

“That was easy.” John shouted over the music

“Would you rather have me thanking you in a different way?” Roger grinned.

“Well you still owe me two drinks.”

Roger moved closer so he could talk in his ear, “I do, but not what I had in mind.” He leaned back to look at John and chuckled at his confused expression.

John wasn’t stupid he had a pretty good idea what Roger had in mind. “We both know how that ended the last time.”

“What?” Roger stared at him in confusion before he seemed to make the connection that John was referring to them making out, “oh….” and he smirked “well I can only speak for myself, but I can’t say I minded too much.”

John smiled and took sip of his beer. He wasn’t sure how to respond to that, because he hadn’t minded it either. But he didn’t know if he should say that, wondering how that would come across. John hated that about himself, always overthinking things. It was good to think about things before doing something stupid, but mostly he wished he could be a little more carefree.

Roger moved closer and touched his shoulder, “it’s fine if you don’t want to talk about it, it’s what we agreed to after all.” he said, but he still looked a bit hurt, which made John feel bad.

“Roger, I…” he started, before Roger cut him off.

“It’s okay John, just dance with me?” he asked while he moved his hands to rest on John’s waist.

He silently agreed and let Roger lead him along to the music, they danced for a while to both fast and slow songs, and John was enjoying himself, wondering why he hesitated about going before. They were laughing and joking when Freddie joined them, and they danced until John announced he was going to the bar and get another drink. Roger reluctantly let him go, taking his hand a gave it a little squeeze before John could move away. He turned around again to see Roger smiling that half smile of his, he smiled back at him and moved away from him when Roger let go.

 

  

***

 

 

 

John reached the bar and it was really busy, he didn’t see Brian at first. But after he focused again, he could see him standing near the wall at the end of the U-shaped bar. He was talking to a brunette and seemed to be rather enjoying himself. The girl was leaning against the wall and smiled about something he had said. John didn’t think it would be a good idea to intrude, he was sure Brian wouldn’t appreciate it.

There was some movement at the bar and he quickly slid himself on a barstool when there was room. “can I have one beer?” he asked the bartender who looked a little flustered with all the people asking for his attention.

“Make that two.” Freddie said when he joined John at the bar.

The bartender nodded and went to get their order. John turned his head towards Freddie in surprise, “if you wanted something to drink, I could have brought you something.” He commented.

“I was beginning to feel like a third wheel back there,” he pointed over his shoulder too where they were just standing.

John frowned, not understanding what he meant, he gazed at the spot where he just came from, seeing Roger still standing there, but he wasn’t alone anymore. He was talking to guy and from the way they were talking to each other, it looked like they knew each other. It was like old friends catching up, or maybe it was just flirting, he couldn’t see well enough from were he was sitting.

“Who is that?” he asked while he kept looking at the two now laughing, the guy was whispering something in Roger’s ear, and John felt a little uneasy.

Freddie followed John’s gaze, “oh some guy Roger met last week, I don’t remember his name, could be James or maybe it was Liam.” He said while he tapped his index finger against his bottom lip seemingly thinking hard about it.

“I see.” John said, but he still watched them and could feel himself grow annoyed with how close the bloke was standing to Roger, even though it wasn’t any of his business. When they started dancing slowly and the guy’s hands moved down Roger’s back, he averted his eyes.

The bartender put up their beers in front of them and John put some money on the bar and took a large sip of his beer and put the glass down again with a lot more force than strictly necessary. Freddie seemed to notice the change in John’s mood and looked at Roger and his dance partner and back at John.

“Don’t tell me your jealous darling?” he asked softly.

“No! I’m not jealous,” he muttered but he couldn’t keep the slightly bitter tone out of his voice. “what makes you say that?”

Freddie chuckled and took a sip of his beer, “it’s obvious you and Roger have…” he paused to find the right word, “chemistry.”

“Yeah sure, so?”

Freddie turned so he was now leaning his back against the bar and he could look at the spot where Roger was still dancing. “Don’t tell me you haven’t noticed?”

John shifted on the barstool so he could face Freddie, “what?.”

“You know for someone as smart as you, you can be quite oblivious at times.”

“Still not following you, what haven’t I noticed?”

Freddie sighed dramatically, obviously losing his patience. “Oh, come on Deaky, Roger isn’t that subtle, I think he is pretty straight forward. You couldn’t have missed the change in behaviour.”  

“Oh, that.”

“Yes, that,” he stated while he lit a cigarette, and offered one to John, who shook his head to decline. Freddie took a drag and blew out a puff of smoke before continuing, “So apparently our drummer has a thing for our bass player and from the looks of it seems like the feeling is mutual.”

John rolled his eyes, “that’s ridiculous, there is no way Roger has any feelings besides friendship towards me, the flirting is just banter.”

“Oh please,” Freddie laughed in disbelief, “you can cut the sexual tension with a knife and frankly it's exhausting, seeing you two not doing anything about it.”

John couldn’t keep himself from blushing. He knew Freddie had a point, but he always thought it was just how Roger was. Of course, he noticed Roger’s change in behaviour and his suggestive comments, and he had worried about it, wondering what it meant. He had also worried about his own feelings, but he had not given himself the chance or didn't feel like it was appropriate to think about them and pushed them away. He didn’t even know what he felt right now.

“Okay, so let’s assume that he does have feelings for me, what is he doing with that other bloke over there?” He pointed towards the crowd, and when he looked at the spot where Roger was standing before his heart sank, the guy was kissing him, and Roger was kissing him back. He quickly turned his head back towards Freddie who also must have seen it, because he looked at him with an apologetic expression.

John sighed, he knew he shouldn’t have come along tonight, “so there we have it.” he said as if he had proven his point and took another big sip of his beer.

“I’m sorry John.”

“What’s there to be sorry about? There isn’t anything between us Fred.”

Freddie frowned at him, “I don’t believe that.”

John twirled around his beer in his now half empty glass and took a breath, “even if you don’t, it doesn’t matter.”

It didn’t look like Freddie was satisfied with that answer and he was about to open his mouth to retort, but from the corner of his eye, he could see Roger coming up to them with the guy trailing behind him. So, he nudged Freddie with his elbow to shut him up and nodded his head towards where Roger was coming from.

They both tried to act like normal as possible when Roger reached him. He looked a little nervous, “hey guys, what took you so long?”

“It was busy.” John said shortly without look at Roger.

Roger seemed a little taken aback by John’s curt attitude, “Oh.”

Freddie looked between them and rolled his eyes and tried to save the situation, “who’s your friend Rog?”

“Oh yeah,” he blinked before regaining his composure and turned his attention to Freddie, “sorry about that, this is David. I met him here two weeks ago,” he smiled at David before continuing. “These are my mates, Freddie and John,” he said while he pointed at them respectively.

Freddie went ahead and shook his hand, “nice to meet you.”

“You to.” David said politely.

“John?” Roger asked hesitantly.

John knew he was being ridiculous, so he flashed his best fake smile and offered David his hand. “Hi, nice to meet you.” he cringed at his own voice, sounding a lot cheerier than he really felt. David nodded with a smile while he shook his hand.

Roger seemed to relax a little when John stopped acting like a prick, but the apprehensiveness remained, because his eyes flicked towards John’s in an attempt to read him, he knew him so well, so he probably also knew when John wasn’t being himself.

“Where is Brian?” Roger questioned, while he stood on his tiptoes to search for him.

“He was standing over there with a girl.” John commented waving his hand toward the wall where Brian had been before.

Roger smirked, “well I guess you won’t be seeing Brian tonight then.”

“That’s okay, maybe next time?” David smiled and put his arm around Roger’s shoulder.

John couldn’t help but stare at them, he could feel a twinge of jealousy build up in his chest. Which really felt uncalled because he had no reason for being jealous, seeing how he had always stopped any flirting between him and Roger whenever it got too far. Roger could do whatever he wanted, and he wasn’t going to be standing in his way. The talk with Freddie just confused him up and he needed to get his thoughts straight.

David whispered something in Roger’s ear and from his flushed face John could pretty much guess what they were talking about. “so, uhm we are going to go.” Roger said.

Freddie smirked and put his hands together as if he was praying, “please, please tell me you are going to his place.”

“Yes, we are, don’t worry, I won’t interrupt your beauty sleep.”

“Fabulous, now I’ll go and find Brian so we can leave as well,” Freddie said while he turned on his heel and walked away. “see you later darling.”

John stayed behind with Roger and David, he awkwardly rocked on his heels, feeling very uncomfortable once again. He really just wanted to make a break for it and follow Freddie, but he didn’t want to be rude. So, he just stood there with an awkward smile on his face.

Roger looked at him with a concerned expression, his eyes flicked over John’s face and he worried his lip between his teeth. He glanced at David, “you go ahead, I’ll be there in a few.”

“Okay, don’t be too long.” David teased and kissed Roger on the cheek.

“I promise.”

John cringed inside, but he kept a straight face, like he always did when things bothered him. He was a master at being stoic and he damn well was going to use it now. He smiled at Roger when he looked at him. “shouldn’t you follow him?”

“I will, in a bit.” Roger said looking a bit wary. “I just wanted to know if you are okay? You seemed a little off just now.”

“I’m fine,” he lied, offering Roger a fake smile.

“Are you sure?” Roger asked and squeezed John’s shoulder studying his face to see if he could find any indication that he wasn’t.

“Positive.” John lied again, trying his very hardest to keep smiling.

Roger didn’t seem convinced, but he seemed to take his word for it, “okay, I’ll see you tomorrow then yeah?”

John nodded. “sure.”

Roger still looked unsure and reluctant to leave him, but he understood he wouldn’t get John to talk if he really didn’t want to, he had tried before and in vain. All of them knew about the wall John liked to build around himself, and only a few people had been able to punch through that said wall. Roger being one of those people, but John had a habit of building that wall up again when things were bothering him.

“I’m fine Rog, go.” he assured him.

Roger nodded but he looked a bit sad before he turned around to follow David to where he disappeared too. John groaned and rubbed his face when he was out of sight and threw back the last of his beer. He really should have just stayed home tonight.

 

 

 

***

 

 

It had been a month since that night at the disco and Roger had started dating David exclusively. Ever since John had known Roger, he had never dated someone longer than a week, so, this was definitely new. At first it was weird to see Roger act all nervous when David came picking him up for the first few dates. Roger wasn’t the sort of person who got flustered about these things. John guessed he must have really liked him then, which made it easier for John to come to terms with that fact.

Freddie didn’t bother him anymore about what they had been talking about at the disco, he was relieved about that, because he still thought Freddie had been wrong about Roger having feelings for him. That’s what John kept telling himself at least, because if he didn’t, he was going to drive himself mad. Everyone could see that Roger flirted with him, but only the last few months had John really wondered why the flirting had increased, before that it hadn’t even crossed his mind that Roger might have been interested in him. Now that he was pretty much in a relationship it put things in perspective, and whatever there was between them before; it was not important anymore. Roger was happy and he should be happy for him. Even if he gave himself permission before to think about what could have been, he knew that in the end this was better for the band.

John looked up when Brian groaned, “Roger! could you please pay attention for one second?”

“Sorry!” Roger called; his head was resting in David’s lap. Who seemed to be everywhere nowadays.

Freddie rolled his eyes, for some reason he didn’t really like David, but he never told John why, even though he had a pretty good idea. He chuckled when Freddie mumbled something inaudibly, but he was sure it was something offensive.

“We are trying to figure out this set list, and you are not being helpful at all.” Brian complained while he tapped the back of his pen impatiently against the paper containing their unfinished set list.

John never really engaged in these arguments, so he kept tuning his bass, while the rest started bickering. He didn’t even hear most of what they were saying before, but when Freddie raised his voice, it was impossible to not listen.

“I’m sorry Roger, but this is a band discussion,” Freddie stated shortly, “I think it would be best if David went ahead and waited for you in the pub.”

“That’s bollocks.” Roger exclaimed.

“It’s fine Roger,” David offered, but he didn’t look fine; he looked irritated and watched Freddie suspiciously before continuing. “I was just about to leave you guys to it anyway.” He leaned in to give Roger a quick kiss and left leaving Roger looking infuriated.

“Was that necessary?” he inquired looking at Freddie for an explanation.

Freddie didn’t seem impressed, “I’m sorry darling, I know he is your boyfriend and all, but does he need to be everywhere where you are?”

Roger seemed to swell up in anger and John and Brian exchanged a few nervous looks, wondering when the bomb was going to burst.

“Roger, I guess what Freddie is trying to say is…” Brian started tentatively, “that maybe David is with you little too often?”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Roger demanded growing angrier by the minute.   

“It’s just, it looks like he can’t leave you for two seconds.” Brian explained.

“Oh, for god sake, stop sugar coating it,” Freddie groaned and waved with his hands, “he is fucking controlling Roger, he doesn’t trust you. He won’t let you out of his sights. When was the last time you spent some time with us without him?”

Anger flashed through Roger’s eyes, “you’re being overly dramatic Fred.”

“Am I?” Freddie questioned, “then why aren’t you answering my question?”

Roger huffed, “What do you want me to do then? Kick him out because I want to hang out with my friends?”

Freddie shrugged indifferently, “why not?”

“Because that’s ridiculous!” Roger said, raising his voice.

Brian winced, and looked at John as if was able to stop this argument from spiralling out of control. John gave him a questioning expression and shook his head, trying to signal him that he didn’t want to be dragged into this. Brian’s eyes widened and nudged his head towards Freddie and Roger who were now standing in front of each other. He rolled his eyes and sighed.

“Okay guys break it up.” He said calmly but loud enough to get his point across. Both Freddie and Roger turned around, to look at him in surprise. “Freddie you can’t expect Roger to kick out David, just because you don’t like him.”

Roger smiled and looked at Freddie triumphantly, who in turn squinted his eyes at him. “And you, yes you Rog,” he said while Roger looked disappointed that he also addressed him. “Don’t forget who your friends are, we are just looking out for you.”

Freddie nodded in agreement, being uncharacteristically quiet this time. Roger seemed to calm down. “I know that,” he said softly, “and I appreciate it really, but it’s not necessary.”

“Well don’t blame us for caring then.” Brian contributed while he stood up and gave Roger a comforting pat on the back. “Can we please finish the set list now?”

“Yeah, in a minute, just going to go to the bathroom.” John said while he saw Freddie and Roger silently exchange apologies.

He walked down the hall and wanted to enter the bathroom when he heard his name being called, “John wait.” He paused and turned his head; Roger came walking towards him.

“I’ll be right there.”

“I know, I just wanted to ask you something.”

“Okay?” John said sounding confused.

Roger hesitated, “Do you… what Freddie said in there, do you agree with him?”

John looked at Roger, he looked worried and John didn’t really know what to say. He couldn’t let his personal feelings for Roger or David cloud his judgement. But if he was being honest with himself, he did think Freddie had a point. David never let Roger out of his sights, and he also didn’t seem to like it that he was in a band, that was beginning to become rather popular around London. Roger got a lot of attention during and after gigs from both men and women. David didn’t seem to appreciate that and had made it a habit to accompany Roger to most of their gigs. So, it was pretty obvious David didn’t trust Roger.

“It doesn’t matter what I think Roger.”

“Yes, it does, I care about what you think.” Roger pointed out.

John sighed he didn’t want to upset Roger again, but if it was the other way around, he would want to know Roger’s thoughts as well. “okay, well I do think he has a point, wait let me finish!” he said when Roger had opened his mouth to respond but closed it again when John spoke again.

“I said I think he has a point; I didn’t say I agreed with him.” he said gently. “I don’t think he is a bad guy, but It’s quite clear to me that he doesn’t trust you.”

Roger seemed to think for a second, John could practically see the wheels in his head turning. When he spoke, it sounded much calmer than expected. “I see, thanks for being honest with me John.”

John had been prepared for Roger to get angry at him, maybe even a little shouting, but that didn't happen. Roger just smiled and turned around to get back to the dressing room, “I’ll see you back in there.”  

He nodded, still a little confused and entered the bathroom. What both of them didn’t know was that David had been standing around the corner listening to every word.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading <3 I struggled a little with this chapter, but I think it came out alright? Let me know what you think, it's very much appreciated. Next chapter will be an interesting one ;)


	4. Chapter IV

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John tries to make Roger feel better, but things don't go as planned, or do they?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone! back again with another chapter. Thanks for all the support on this story and thanks everyone that dropped a comment or left kudos. I hope you guys will like this chapter, it turned out a bit longer than expected, but hopefully you don't mind. Let me know what you think. <3

 

**Chapter IV**

 

 

John was sitting at the kitchen table going through his textbooks because exams were approaching quickly. He had been working in deep concentration when Roger came bursting through the front door, slamming it hard behind him. He was so startled that he spilled half the cup of tea he was drinking all over his books “Bloody hell Roger!” he called and frantically tried to dry his books with the sleeve of his sweater.

Roger didn’t bother looking at John and made a straight line to his bedroom and slammed his bedroom door with even more force than he did the front door. John stared in confusion at the piece of wood that was now blocking his view. If the throwing of doors wasn’t enough indication that Roger was angry, the crashing sounds that now came from his bedroom were.

They all knew better than to disturb Roger when he got in one of these moods, but it was obvious that something had happened. Roger had been in such a good mood lately, things with David seemed to be going great, so this sudden change really surprised him. Even if he didn’t really like David, he did care about Roger and just wanted him to be happy. So, he quietly made his way to Roger’s door, the noises in his bedroom stopped and it got eerily quiet.

John hesitated before knocking, wondering if he shouldn’t just let him be for a bit. It was hard to figure out what Roger really needed, and he didn’t think he was that good at comforting people, not knowing what to say in situations like these, or always saying the wrong things at the wrong times. He then knocked on the door before he even made a decision. “Roger? are you okay?”

No answer, John cringed at his own question, of course he wasn’t okay. Roger had just thrown multiple doors and from the sounds John could hear before he had probably just rearranged his whole bedroom.

John took a deep breath before speaking, he really didn’t want Roger to think he was being nosy or pushy. “Rog? I’m coming in now okay?”

Still no answer, John bit his lip before opening the door just a crack, so that he could peek inside. Roger was laying on his bed, his back turned to the door not moving a muscle. His small figure seemed even more tiny now that he seemed so defeated, John couldn’t help but feel sad. He had never seen Roger this upset before. He opened the door further when he didn’t hear any complaints coming from Roger and stepped in the room and softly closed the door behind him.

When he looked around the room, it wasn’t as trashed as he thought it would be, but there were clothes and books everywhere. Roger did seem to have thrown the chair that was usually standing in the corner and one of the night stands was knocked over. Roger still didn’t move or acknowledged John’s presence, he awkwardly rocked on his heels for a few seconds before moving towards the bed.

He was just about to reach out his hand to touch Roger’s shoulder when Roger turned around to look at him. He looked like he had been crying because his eyes were red, and a sad expression was covering his face. He quickly averted his eyes from John and pushed himself up against the headboard of the bed.

John hesitated at first, but then sat down on the edge of the bed his body turned towards Roger. “What happened?” He asked softly. Roger shrugged and he still wasn’t looking at him finding that picking on his duvet was much more important for the time being.

“Do you want me to leave you alone?” John asked, trying to figure out what Roger needed because he didn’t know what else to do at this point if Roger wasn’t going to talk to him. He didn’t want to impose and his wasn’t really his business.

When no answer came John proceeded to get up from the bed with a sigh and walked towards the door. When his hand reached the handle, Roger spoke up softly his voice sounding shaky.

“Don’t go?”

It came out more like a question and John turned around and saw Roger watching him with unsure eyes, he looked absolutely crushed and it seemed like he could burst out crying any minute. “He broke up with me.” He said quietly, looking back down at his hands.

“Oh.” John walked back to Roger and sat himself down again on the bed and squeezed Roger’s leg trying to comfort him, but not sure if he was helping. “I’m sorry Roger,” he said and hesitated before adding, “why?”  

Roger looked up but stared at the wall when he spoke, his expression still nothing but sadness. “We uhm, had an argument, he says I don’t know what I want, and he feels like I'm not serious about him." he paused, "he also doesn't think that music is going to get me a steady job and that he wants stability and someone to come home to later, even if we just started dating.” he sighed. “I told him that we don’t know what’s going to happen in the future, but that I was still studying but that I would never give up music.”

John listened to Roger speaking and he could hear the sadness and the anger in his voice. But he didn’t interrupt him, because he felt like Roger needed to get this of his chest. “He asked me if I was still going to pursue music, and I said yes because it’s my dream and I can’t imagine doing anything else, so I want to give it everything I got until I can’t do it anymore.”

John nodded, knowing exactly what Roger was like. He would do anything to get them the recognition he thought they deserved, and he wouldn’t let anyone tell him otherwise. John admired that in Roger and he wished he had the same attitude and confidence.

“But then he said that he can’t be with me if I’m going to keep pursuing this, because he doesn’t want to _share_ me.” He said sarcastically.

“What do you mean?” John said sounding confused.

Roger started picking on his duvet again, angerly this time. “He seems to think that I can’t resist temptation and that I’m going to be sleeping around.”

John stared at him with wide eyes, “that’s ridiculous.”

“Tell him that.” Roger said with a sad smile. “Because apparently that’s what rock stars do, or at least that’s what he said.”

“Well he doesn’t know what he’s talking about.” John said while he pushed himself up on the bed to sit next to Roger.

Roger groaned and tipped his head back against the headboard his eyes closed, “why does this always happen to me, why do I always pick the wrong guys and keep doing this to myself.”

John smiled sympathetically, “you don’t know that beforehand and besides its their loss.”

Roger rolled his eyes, “you are my friend and you are supposed to say that.”

“I am your friend yes, but I wouldn’t say that if I didn’t mean it.” John said while he turned his head to face Roger, who was now looking at him with an expression he couldn’t quite place.

Roger still looked sceptical, “it’s just that first there was Oliver, he broke up with me because he wasn’t ready for a relationship and now David breaks up with me because he doesn’t like my career goals, I can’t win!” he looked at John the sadness had returned in his eyes and John didn’t know what else to do than to put an arm around his shoulder.

“Why doesn’t anyone want me?” Roger asked his voice breaking and he rested his head against John’s shoulder.

John heart broke when he heard Roger ask that question, he hated that someone could make Roger feel that insecure about himself. His friend that was always there for everyone around him and would do anything for his friends. He didn’t deserve any of this and he wished he could make everything okay.

“That’s not true Roger and you know it.” John said softly, rubbing his hand over Roger’s upper arm. “Those guys should count themselves lucky just to have someone like you in their lives.”

Roger snorted but John was aware of the fact that Roger moved closer and pressed himself against his side. He decided not to pay too much attention to it; Roger always had been rather touchy feely with him and over the last year he had come to accept that and frankly he didn’t mind, even if he wasn’t like that.

“Stop being so sweet Deaky, or I’m going to get a big head.”

John chuckled, “don’t worry, you are already covered in that department.”

“Oi!” Roger said while he pinched John’s arm sounding offended, but a smile crept on his face, “that’s not very comforting you know?”

“It made you smile though.” John shrugged and he looked at Roger. “but I’m serious, how many people give you attention whenever we go out?”

“That’s different.”

John rolled his eyes, “why is it different? You can have anyone you want.”

"Not everyone," he said softly and looked at John sadly, " and it's different because most of those people want something meaningless and I really can’t be arsed anymore.” Roger sighed and looked at his hands again, his fingers had absentmindedly started tracing random shapes on John’s leg, which made it harder for John to focus on what Roger was saying. “I don’t want to be someone’s sure shag for just that night.” He looked up at John again, looking more vulnerable than John had ever seen him.

“The ones that I want, don’t want me back.” Roger mumbled almost inaudibly.

John stared at him with a sad expression, “that’s not true, you just haven’t met them yet.”

Roger stared back at him his blue eyes gleaming, John found it hard to tear away his gaze. He didn’t know what else to say but before he could think of what to say Roger shifted on the bed to sit on his knees. He then seemed to hesitate for a moment and his eyes moved over John’s face. John wasn’t sure what was happening, but his heart started beating fast when he noticed Roger leaning in. His mind was telling him this was a mistake, that Roger didn’t know what he was doing.

He could feel Roger’s hand moving to his shoulder and his warm breath on his face, he blinked a couple of times before Roger was close enough to touch his lips. He was sure Roger could hear his heart beating, he swallowed and then gently put a hand on Roger’s chest to stop him from coming any closer and making a mistake. The moment he did, he could see the hurt flash in those blue eyes.

“Rog, what are you…”

Roger stayed silent for a moment and moved back and bit his lip looking embarrassed, “I just thought…, I don’t know, I guess I was wrong.”

He didn’t know what to do, Roger wasn’t making any sense, John’s thoughts were all over the place. He felt like anything he would say was going to drive Roger away from him, he didn’t want to lose him. But he felt like he was at a tipping point, especially with Roger’s state of mind.

John reached out his hand, but pulled it back again realizing that wasn’t a good idea when a hopeful expression touched Roger’s eyes, he dropped his hand on his own leg. “Roger, you are hurt, and you had a horrible night, I don’t think you should do anything you might regret later.” John said calmly trying to sound as understanding as possible.

It wasn’t working because he could see Roger’s eyes snap back to his and it seemed like his temper was emerging to the surface, “Who says I’m going to regret anything?” he asked.

John bit his lip and moved off the bed again to get some distance between him and Roger. Roger just moved closer to him still sitting on his knees, the fire that he usually had now clear in his eyes. “Because we are friends.” John stated.

“So? Lots people start out as friends, it’s not that uncommon you know?”

John rolled his eyes; it was impossible trying to make a point with Roger while he was being like this. “You and your boyfriend just broke up; you are obviously not thinking clearly.”

Roger didn’t seem to agree with that, “why not? Because I want to kiss you?!” Roger exclaimed.

“No, it’s not that.” John shook his head, trying to make sense of this whole thing, he also didn’t want to insult Roger, but he wasn’t planning on being a rebound.

“Then why?” Roger asked sadly, sounding almost desperate, he moved closer to John and sat up on his knees, so he was at eye level with John, he took a fistful of John’s shirt and pulled him towards him. John stumbled a bit when his legs hit the bed, his heartbeat quickened again, and he tried to avoid those blue eyes.

“I know you like me as well; I have seen you looking at me.” Roger bit his bottom lip, “you can’t look me in the eye and tell me that you never thought about that night when we kissed. Because I think about it all the time,” he said softly, and his other hand made its way to John’s waist. “what’s so wrong of me wanting that again?”

“That’s…” John stammered and stared at Roger with wide eyes, wondering if he really had been that obvious before, he didn’t think he looked at Roger like that all that often, “that’s hardly the point here.”

Roger’s hand tightened his hold on John’s shirt, “why are you being so stubborn!”

“ _I’m_ being stubborn?” John couldn’t help but chuckle because of the irony. He thought about it, deep in his heart he knew Roger was right, but he didn’t want to admit it to himself. He didn’t want to mess up everything they had worked so hard for the last year. He never gave himself permission to think about his feelings for Roger so he kept them locked away deep inside ever since he met him and seeing him leaving with guys was proof enough for him that the feelings he had would never be answered.

So, in time he hoped that he could forget, and he was doing a pretty good job too, but this whole situation threw his whole world upside down again. He wasn’t sure anymore and Roger staring at him like this didn’t help either. John moved his hand down to where Roger was holding on to his shirt, he softly took Roger’s hand and he could feel him unclench his fingers from the fabric while John’s hand moved over his.

"I’m being reasonable Roger; I care about you and I don’t want ruin our friendship.” He said gently.

Roger pulled his hand from John’s and stood up from the bed, starting to pick up his clothes and collecting books and putting them back in their rightful place. He didn’t look at John and he didn’t respond, so John didn’t know what else to do than to keep speaking to him.

“Roger?”

“It’s fine John, you just proved what I have been saying all along.” 

John frowned and looked at him confusion all over his face, “what do you…”

Roger turned around and faced him, he didn’t look angry there was only hurt. John’s heart broke by his expression, how could this whole thing turn out like this. He had just wanted to be there for him and now they were having an argument.

“The ones I want never want me back.”

He clenched his fists, “that’s not fair Roger, I’m trying to be your friend!” John snapped, he was getting frustrated now, because everything he was saying was being thrown back in his face.

Roger threw the clothing he had just picked up on his bed and started screaming, his temper finally reached the boiling point, and he violently waved his hands around, “maybe I don’t need you to be my friend right now! Fuck John! I just told you that I want you! and you didn’t even bat an eyelash.”

“Then what do you want me to do?!” John screamed back at him losing his patience.

Roger closed the distance and grabbed John’s upper arms and gripped them gently. “I want you to kiss me! I want you to stop lying to yourself and tell me that you want me too! because I know you do!”

John avoided his gaze; he couldn’t let himself give in, not like this. It wouldn’t be fair to Roger, because it felt like he was taking advantage of the situation, he was way too vulnerable right now. It also wasn’t fair to himself, if he really wanted to do something with his feelings for Roger, he would want to do it in different circumstances. He really needed time alone to think about everything that happened just now.

“John?” Roger asked more softly now, sounding nervous.

John met Roger’s eyes that were staring at him expectantly, he hesitated before saying “I can’t do this right now.” His voice breaking. “I need some time.”

Roger opened his mouth but before he could answer there was a knock on the door and shortly after that it opened, showing a worried Brian standing on the other side taking in the situation before him. “Everything okay here?”

John looked at Roger again who seemed to lost his ability to speak. “Yes, everything’s fine.” John mumbled and turned around and pushed past Brian without looking back. Leaving Roger standing there looking hurt and watching him walk away with sadness in his eyes.

Brian watched them both with confusion, “what happened? I heard shouting.”

“It’s nothing Brian, we just didn’t agree on something.” Roger said with a sigh and pushed past him as well.

“Where are you going?” Brian asked in surprise when Roger took his coat.

“Out.” Roger simply stated and he was out the door, slamming it shut behind him once again.

Brian raised his eyebrows and shook his head and walked towards “what’s gotten into them?” he said softly before closing the door to his bedroom.

 

 

 

***

 

 

 

John heard the loud bang of the front door in his room, where he was now lying on his bed, his hands tucked behind his head staring at the ceiling. The events of what had happened between him and Roger still running through his head. How did things turn out like this? He had only tried to comfort Roger; did he say something wrong or did he give mixed signals?

He groaned and took his other pillow and pulled it over his head, to block out the world, block out his own thoughts. He hated this, he hated having a fight with Roger. He didn’t even have time to process everything Roger had said. It only dawned on John now that Roger said that he ‘wanted’ him, those were his exact words. But it didn’t make any sense, he had been dating other guys, if he really wanted him, he should have said so before.

He had come to terms with Roger dating other guys, he had told himself over and over it was better like that. They could focus on their music and play gigs without getting distracted. He would be lying to himself if he said it was easy, just seeing him with someone else made him uneasy. Why did he feel like this? It wasn’t fair to Roger. In reality he knew he had himself to blame for the fact that Roger dated other guys, he always sort of let on that nothing was going to happen between them. So, he shouldn’t complain about it now.

John sighed and got up to get ready for bed, he quickly got undressed and tugged on a sleeping shirt and made his way to the bathroom. He knew he was being a coward by walking away from the argument, but he really needed time. Even if Roger had come clean about having some sort of feelings for him, they were probably long gone by now and he was probably in a pub already to find someone else and forget all about John.

He didn’t know how he felt about that, it was all too much; everything that happened made him absolutely exhausted and he really just wanted to sleep. So, he quickly brushed his teeth to make sure he wouldn’t run into Brian to have to explain what all that was about, he really didn’t need that right now. He didn’t even bother to pick up his books from the kitchen table and clean up the spilled tea. At this point he didn’t care at all and slipped under the covers to fall into restless sleep not shortly after that.  

 

 

 

***

 

 

 

It felt like he had only just fallen asleep when someone stirred him awake. “John, hey John.” they whispered.

John groaned and rubbed his face, “what is it?” he asked sounding groggy, in the dark it was hard to see who was standing at his bed. He clicked on the lamp standing on bedside table, squinting to adjust to the bright light invading his vision.

He looked up to see Brian towering over him, his curls even messier than usual, looking just as tired and frankly a bit annoyed as well. “I don’t know what’s going on with you and Roger, but he is on the phone and wants to speak with you, he says he’ll keep calling if you won’t take his call, so please talk to him.” he yawned and sounding as annoyed as he looked, “I’m going back to bed now,” and he turned around and moved back to his own room.

John grunted and dropped himself back in his pillow eyes closed in frustration, he looked at the clock which reads almost 3 a.m. He really didn’t want to talk to a drunk Roger right now, especially not after their fight. But he also knew how persistent Roger could be and he wouldn’t put it past him to keep calling until John picked up. With another annoyed grumble John got up and made his way to the phone.

“Roger?” he said still sounding groggy.

“Deaky? Is that you?”

Roger sounded drunk and John could hear several noises of people talking, laughing and shouting, probably people leaving the pubs.

“Yes, it’s me, do you know what time it is?”

Roger chuckled, slurring his words “why you asking me? You have these things you know? that tell time.”

John made an annoyed sound, losing his patience quickly, “what do you want Roger?”

“Didn’t we just have discussion tonight? You are making things too easy John,” Roger said sweetly.

“Seriously if you are just going to take the piss, I’m going to hang up on you.” John said sharply.

Roger was silent for a bit; John could hear the rustling of him moving the phone against his ear and his soft breathing. Sounds from the streets where also quite loud now that Roger was quiet. John started to get worried, wondering if something might have happened. When he was about to speak again Roger beat him to it.

“Wait don’t hang up, I’m sorry.” He could hear Roger take a deep breath; all amusement gone from his voice, “can you pick me up?”

John frowned, “what? Why? Are you okay?”

Roger cleared his throat, when he started talking his voice sounded shaky, “no, I’m not okay. I got dumped, I’m drunk, someone stole my wallet, I got kicked out the pub and I had a fight tonight with my best friend… everything is just peachy.”

He didn’t know what to say, despite their fight he still cared about Roger a lot more than he was willing to admit and he hated that he was feeling so low. “I’ll be there as soon as I can.”

As soon as he said it, he could hear Roger let out a sigh of relief. “Thank you.”

He hastily put on a pair of jeans and a hoodie and grabbed the keys of the van that were laying on the kitchen counter and closed the door behind quietly to make sure he wouldn’t wake up Brian and Freddie.

 

 

 

***

 

 

   

When John turned the corner and drove up the busy street twenty minutes later, he could already see the small blond figure standing near the payphone where he had called John from. As he came closer, he could see how broken Roger looked, he couldn’t quite see his expression, but he was sure it was far from his usual cheerful self. He pulled up the sidewalk where Roger was waiting for him, a half smile touched his face when he saw John.

He quickly got in the van and sat down in the passenger seat. “thanks for picking me up,’ he said so quiet John was hardly able to hear.

“No need to thank me.” John said in a soft voice and he pulled away from the side of the road to drive them back to their flat.

The drive back felt much longer than it actually was, they were quiet, and John wished things would go back to how they were before, everything seemed complicated now. From the corner of his eye he could see Roger picking at the sleeves of his jacket, he seemed to be deep in thought. The atmosphere between them felt tense and John was happy they were almost back at their street so he could go back to bed and just forget about this whole thing for just a few hours. Roger didn’t seem to share his opinion.

“Can we please just talk about what happened before?” he pleaded, “this silence is killing me.”

John turned his head a bit, so he could look at Roger but still look at the road as well, he sighed. “Roger we are both tired and upset, I don’t think this is the right time to discuss things, we might say things we don’t mean.”

Roger took a shaky breath, “then when?”

“I don’t know.” John replied, because he really didn’t know, and he was too tired to think about it now.

Roger didn’t push it and stayed silent for the rest of the drive. When they pulled up to their flat, John parked the van and looked next to him, to see Roger had dozed off. He couldn’t help but smile, he looked very peaceful he felt bad he had to wake him up. He stepped out and circled around the van, to open the passenger door. He stirred Roger softly, “we’re back Rog, wake up.”

He woke up and looked up at him with sleepy eyes but got out the van without too much hassle. He swayed a little on his feet, while he walked towards their flat. But when they reached the stairs, Roger started swaying a little more and he had to support him up the stairs. The alcohol and his sleepy state didn’t help with his coordination. John was happy they didn’t live all the way at the top floor. When they reached their apartment, Roger was hanging around his neck, hardly conscious.

He managed to get the door open and pulled Roger along with him, he closed the door with his heel, hoping it didn’t wake anyone up. Roger was now leaning against the wall, John looked at him, wondering if he was playing. “Roger?” he took his hand, let’s get you to bed, okay?”

Roger nodded made a sound, that sounded like agreement to John, so he pulled him with him towards his room. Roger immediately walked towards his bed when he noticed he was in his own room.

“Roger wait,” John said, but he was too late, Roger already collapsed on his bed. John groaned and walked towards him; he didn’t know what to do, normally he wouldn’t think twice about helping him out his clothes, now however things were a little different. He wondered why he kept overthinking things, he had helped Roger out like this before, he could do it again.

He moved closer and sat down on the edge of the bed, he pulled on the sleeve of Roger’s jacket and Roger seemed aware enough to turn his body so John could get it off, after a little struggle he finally managed. Roger seemed to have woken up a little, because he looked at him through hooded eyes.

“John?”

“Yes?”

“I’m sorry about tonight.” He said sadly.

John’s heart broke once again, because he didn’t want Roger to feel like this. But he didn’t know what to do, on one hand he wanted to hug Roger and tell him everything was going to be alright, but on the other hand he was afraid; off what? he didn’t really know. He took a shaky breath, “you don’t have to be sorry, I’m not mad.”

“You’re not?” he asked, and pushed himself up on his elbows, he seemed a lot more awake now.

John shook his head, “I never said I was mad.”

“But I thought…” Roger started.

“I guess it took me by surprise.” He quickly said.

Roger chuckled softly, “did it really?”

John couldn’t help but smile this time and he looked away. “Yes. but like I said I don’t think this is the time to discuss it, do you?”  

“No, I guess not.” Roger shrugged.

They were silent for a bit and when John moved to get up, Roger quickly shifted and put his arms around his neck and pulled him into a hug. John was mostly surprised, and he naturally moved his hands to Roger’s back to return the hug. He didn’t pull back and inhaled Roger’s scent, that was so familiar to him.

When Roger pulled back from the hug slowly, John looked at him still a bit surprised. Roger’s eyes stared at him intently, flicking between his eyes and his lips. Before John knew it and could react to it, Roger pressed his lips against his, but just as quick as he did, he pulled back and looked at John in shock, who didn’t even register what happened.

“John, I’m sorry, I didn’t even…”

John blinked a few times, his mind finally catching up with him, he watched Roger, he was still explaining himself, a blush covered his cheeks. He didn’t even know what he was thinking, but he felt himself move closer to Roger who was sitting up straight now.

“I shouldn’t have done that, and I don’t want you to think…"

He stopped talking when John reached out his hand to touch his jaw and before either of them knew what happening John pressed his lips against Roger’s. Roger gasped against him in surprise, but only for a second because he could feel one of his hands grip the back of his neck, pulling him in. John’s other hand moved towards Roger’s waist.

Roger gripped John’s upper arm and John felt himself being pulled on top of him as he rested back against the mattress, while he kept kissing John. John’s heart was beating fast, and his mind was racing. When Roger swiped his tongue against his bottom lip, he opened up his mouth to give him permission and deepen the kiss, their tongues moved together, and Roger faintly tasted like alcohol. He moved to lay on side, and Roger immediately pressed himself close to him and moved his leg around John’s hip as Roger's hands stroked his side.

John’s hand touched Roger’s neck, he swiped his thumb over his jaw, before he moved it towards his hair tangling his fingers in it, making Roger moan softly against his lips when he gently tugged on it. When John pulled back, they were both softly panting. Roger moved back to kiss him softly again and smiled against his lips, “what just happened?” he asked breathlessly, while his fingers traced random shaped on John’s back.

John really didn’t know what just happened, well he knew. But he didn’t know why he did it, and he was really afraid he made a mistake. “I don’t know.” He breathed trying to keep his voice steady.

Roger nuzzled his neck, “we don’t have to talk about it now.” He said probably sensing John's hesitance. He didn't say anything else and pulled John closer to him.

He let himself be pulled against Roger, and a relieved sigh passed his lips, he really needed to think things through. He pulled the covers over the both of them, not caring that he was still wearing his clothes and he drifted to sleep not long after that by listening to Roger’s calm breathing.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so that happened... what's going to happen next? who knows ;)  
> Thank you for reading <3 and let me know what you think, it's very much appreciated.


	5. Chapter V

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John and Roger deal with what happened, not in the way they both expected, but with a little help things seem to sort themselves out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys, I am so sorry for leaving you all hanging so long. This update has been long overdue, but between work, writers block and getting sick, things didn't really go my way. I hope this will be worth the wait, I had quite some trouble writing this chapter, but hopefully you'll like it either way. Thank you once again for all the support on the last chapter, I really really appreciate it! So let me know what you think about this chapter. 
> 
> Little heads up, the last part of this chapter is E rated, so if you don't like, you can skip. 
> 
> Enjoy!

**Chapter V**

 

 

The next week John couldn’t shake the feeling that he did something wrong, that he shouldn’t have kissed Roger like that. That next morning when he woke up next to Roger, he had told him softly that he had class. Roger had just mumbled something he couldn’t make out and pressed a kiss to his lips that made John want to stay in bed for the rest of the day. But he had to resist and think about what happened.

John was the sort of person that needed time to think about things, even he could admit maybe a little too much. But the realisation that he in fact really did like Roger more than friends, was something he had to process. What would happen if he did give in to his feelings, would he and Roger be happy? He thought they would, but that didn’t change the fact that he and Roger were two very different people. They were bound to clash at some point, most couples do, so naturally so would they.

But John was just afraid how it would affect the band, what if they couldn’t get back from a fight, what if they would break up. Would one of them have to leave? He knew he would be the one asked to leave seeing how Roger was one of the founders of the band. John felt good in the band; he didn’t want something to mess it up, it had become his whole world in the last year. But he also knew he couldn’t resist Roger any longer, he had admitted that to himself.

Admitting it to Roger was even harder, and Roger seemed to have noticed that. John wasn’t proud of it, but this past week he hadn’t been home a lot. He had exams and he had spent most of his free time in the library, which had been pretty convenient. Freddie would have called him a chicken if he knew, he wouldn’t be surprised if he did, Roger told him everything. So, he hadn’t actually seen a lot of Roger this week, and if he did, he made sure he would be out again before they could even talk about what happened.

But it seemed like his luck had run out, because they had a gig that night and escaping Roger was out of the question. He had been nervous the whole day, he finished his last exam for that semester, and he had agreed with the others he would meet them at the pub where they would be playing. When he reached the pub it was late, he had been working in the library once again, on a project he had to hand in next week.

When he entered the pub, it was pretty busy already, they had been getting a lot more attention lately and people actually wanted to see them play. They had played there before, so he made his way to the dressing room. He had asked Brian to bring his bass with him in the van for that night.

He opened the door to the dressing room, where Freddie was sitting in front of the mirror, applying his make up in utmost concentration. Brian was tuning his guitar and looked up when John entered. Roger didn’t seem to be around, he looked around, but the room wasn’t big enough to miss him.

“Hi Deaky.” Brian greeted.

“Hey.”

“How did the exam go?” Freddie asked from where he was sitting.

He shrugged. “Fine, I guess.”

Freddie saw him looking around and smiled, “if you are looking for Roger, he was just taking a smoke outside, I’m sure he’ll be back soon.

John tried to act innocent, “I wasn’t.”

Brian cleared his throat in amusement, “sure John.”

“What? I wasn’t.” he exclaimed.

“Roger was right, you are stubborn.” Freddie chuckled.

John opened his mouth and closed it again, he squinted at them, annoyed but only they were right. He turned around on his heel and walked out of the dressing room.

He could hear Brian and Freddie laugh when he closed the door behind him. He couldn’t even blame them; he was acting stupid and he needed to get it together. Roger was probably upset with him.

Before he could decide about what to do, he saw the backdoor open and Roger came back inside. When he looked up, his expression was blank, but when his eyes focused on John’s own, anger was apparent in them. John winced internally, because Roger had all right to be mad at him, but actually seeing him made him even more ashamed of himself.

Roger came stomping towards him, with that same expression his face and John prepared himself for whatever shade he was going to be throwing at him. He wouldn’t even be surprised if he would just pass him without saying anything. But Roger didn’t do any of those things. He looked at him, then looked next to him and took John’s arm and pulled him inside a room John hadn’t noticed before. The door closed because of his weight being pushed against it.  

“Roger, what….” There wasn’t a lot of room in the small space and there wasn’t much space between them. “well this is cosy.”

“You’re avoiding me.” Roger said accusingly.

John winced again. He had been avoiding him. “I’m not.” 

Roger snorted, John couldn’t really see him or in what room they were, it was dark and smelled a bit musty.

“Oh please.” He said sarcastically. “I haven’t seen you all week, if you regret what happened you should have just told me.”

John could feel Roger standing close to him, with one of his hands he was leaning against the door next to his John’s head. He could smell his cologne and feel his breath on his face.

“Roger that’s not…” he started but Roger interrupted him.

“Fuck, wait… I can hardly see you,” he groaned and from what John could see, it seemed like he was looking for a source of light. “And why the bloody hell does it smell so fucking bad in here?”

John chuckled. “What did you expect? I don’t think this room was made for having a good conversation over a cup of tea.”

“Apparently it’s the only way I get to talk to you.”

Then the light flicked on and John had to blink a few times to adjust his eyes. Apparently, they were in a cleaning supply closet, several cleaning supplies were sitting on the shelves that reached till the ceiling. The lighting wasn’t that bright, and the room was illuminated in a soft orange glow. He swallowed when his eyes focussed on Roger, who’s blue eyes were staring back at him. It was hard to figure out what he was thinking, he thought he saw several emotions run through those eyes.

John worried his bottom lip between his teeth, not sure what to say anymore now that Roger was standing in front of him. He opened his mouth, but nothing came out.

“You don’t have to say anything.” Roger said, “just listen to me.”

“Roger…”

Roger smiled, “always so stubborn.”

John rolled his eyes but stayed quiet and nodded. Roger eyes flicked over his face and he took a small step back, to give him some space.  

“You have been avoiding me.” he said much gentler this time, John wanted to open his mouth again, but Roger interrupted him. “let me finish.”

“I get it you know?... You’re scared.” Roger reached out his hand to touch John’s hand but stopped himself. He took a breath. “Don’t you think I am?... I’ve been terrified.”

John frowned but didn’t say anything. Roger continued speaking. “Ever since I met you, I knew I liked you more than maybe I should, you just joined the band and I thought that was that, I told myself I wasn’t allowed to do anything with it.”

Roger then took a step closer again, “but then that night at the pub happened and I thought maybe my feelings were mutual. But you are so hard to read, and I couldn’t figure you out, we didn’t speak about it… that’s because we agreed… I know.” He said when John opened his mouth to comment.  

“But you have to agree we became a lot closer after that…” John felt Roger take his hands and he let out a shaky breath.

“We did.” John agreed softly.

Roger smiled. “You became my best friend in such a short time, you became so important to me… and I thought that was enough, told myself I had to move on, and I really tried.”

John’s heart was pounding in his chest, he didn’t know what to do, the only thing he did was listen breathlessly to Roger speaking.

“But every time I thought I had it under control something happened, we flirted, we danced and had fun, it made me think there was more.” He paused and he moved his hand to John’s shoulder. “So, when we kissed last week, I finally thought I wasn’t crazy and that you felt the same, but then you started avoiding me and I just didn’t know anymore.” He said sadly.  

“Roger, I wanted…”

But it didn’t seem that Roger heard him anymore, he started talking faster now, trying to get everything off his chest and John knew he had to let him, that he owed it to him.

“Don’t you think I haven’t thought about how this could affect the band.” He said sounding a little desperate now. “I tried, John I tried to push my feelings aside, but I couldn’t do it. I tried to tell myself it was just a phase, that it was going to pass and that it was just a crush. Don’t you think I tried to forget you; I just can’t do it...”

It looked like he was about to burst out in tears, and he averted his eyes, John hesitated for a second, but then reached out his hand to touch Roger’s jaw. “Roger.” he said softly. But Roger didn’t look up yet.

“Hey? Can you look at me?” John felt a sudden rush of courage.

Roger looked up his eyes were gleaming, but there were no tears. He swallowed and stared back at John.

“I’m sorry.” John said.

Roger eyes widened in surprise. “What?”

“I know I could have handled all of this… better, but I didn’t, I acted like a coward and I’m sorry for that… I’m just not very good at this…” he said trying to avert his eyes, but he didn’t know where to look.  

Roger frowned, “not good at what?”

“Talking about my feelings.”

Roger chuckled, “I think we are both seriously lacking in that department.”

John looked at him again, despite everything Roger was smiling at him and it made his heart swell. “I’m sorry for avoiding you, I shouldn’t have done that… but you are right, I am scared, scared what this will mean for us… for our friendship, for the band.”

Roger looked at him with hopeful eyes, “what does _this_ mean for us?”

John stared back at him. He knew he had to be honest now, he planned to tell Roger, but he hadn’t planned it in this moment. “I wanted…” he started babbling, his voice sounding shaky. “I was trying to find the right time to tell you… but it never seemed like there was a right time and then I thought I was just imagining things and that the way you were acting towards me, was how you acted towards everyone…”

“What are you saying?” Roger tilted his head, seemingly a little confused, “you are not making much sense here Deaky.”

“Oh, fuck it,” John exclaimed and took a deep breath avoiding Roger’s gaze, “yes I have feelings for you.” he cringed inwardly, because it sounded ridiculous the way he said it. “I think I have for a long time now.”

Roger was quiet and John was afraid to look up even though he knew shouldn’t be embarrassed about anything, he was still afraid all of this could be a joke. Then Roger started laughing, and John looked up in confusion.

Seeing Roger laugh like that, made John realise how silly this whole situation was, them standing in a small supply closet, before they were going to be playing a gig. John couldn’t help but laugh as well, “I’m glad you think this is funny.”

“I’m sorry.” Roger said and tried to stop laughing pressing his lips together but burst out in laughter again. “it’s not funny…”

“Well it kind of is.” John offered with laugh.

Roger chuckled, “we are standing in a fucking supply closet.”

“Whose fault is that?”

“Hey, we discussed this already.”

“Just thought I would mention it again.”

Roger smiled and moved closer; his hand that was still on John’s shoulder slid up to his neck where it met his shoulder. “It worked though, I got you to talk, didn’t I?”

John’s eyes flicked towards Roger’s hand and back towards his face. “I guess so.”

“What happens now then?” Roger asked, “between us I mean?” he added when he saw John looking at him in confusion.

“Oh..., well I guess we… uhm,” John stammered, he hadn’t thought this far ahead. “We take it a step at a time?” he asked hesitantly.

Roger smiled, “we can do that.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.” Roger nodded and smiled, “just to check if we are on the same page here, does taking it a step at a time mean that I can kiss you now?”

John acted like he was thinking hard about that, “I’m not sure we are ready for that…” He teased.

Roger squinted his eyes at him and shook his head, “I can’t tell if you are playing or if you are being serious right now.”

John smiled and touched his jaw, “I’m messing with you.”

He had hardly finished his sentence when Roger pressed his lips against his, he gasped a little in surprise, but soon melted into the kiss and wrapped his arms around Roger’s neck. It was like all his uncertainties slipped away and it made him wonder why he had ever worried in the first place. Roger’s hand curled around John’s neck and his thumb brushed his cheekbone. The kiss was gentle, and it was like Roger wanted to make sure he was really there, he pressed himself closer to John and started alternating soft long kisses with shorter ones, it was a gentle brush of lips, but John felt like he was on fire. Before the kiss could get heated Roger pulled back by softly kissing John’s bottom lip before pressing one last kiss to his lips and pulling away completely.

Roger didn’t let him go though, and John had to regain his breath and his cheeks felt warm, he knew he was blushing and Roger looking at him with so much fondness in his eyes, made it even worse. He didn’t say anything about it and John was thankful for it.

“Didn’t we have a gig to play?” Roger chuckled.

“I think so yeah.”

"We better go then." Roger sighed and let John go, “before Brian strangles someone.”

John laughed and straightened his clothes and put a hand through his hair, he stepped away from the door and went to open it.

“John?”

“Hmm?” he hummed and turned to look at Roger.

“Let’s promise to talk to each other if something is bothering us from now on?”

John smiled, “sounds like a plan.”

“Great, because I don’t feel like being in musty rooms again.”

“I don’t know why you are complaining; your room smells about the same.” John joked while he quickly ran out the indeed funky smelling room laughing.

Roger opened his mouth is exasperation and ran after him. “Hey, that's it I won't let you in my room again!"

 

 

 

***

 

 

“So, you two talked right?”

John was sitting at a café with Freddie, casually sipping his tea. It had been three weeks since he and Roger had their talk. Which had been a whole weight lifted of John’s shoulders, everything was out in the open now and everything seemed normal again. But it really wasn’t, there was tension between them, and John needed advice and who better to ask than Freddie.

“Yes, we did.”

He was just trying to figure out how to bring it up, he was feeling quite awkward about it, and he was sure Freddie could feel in the atmosphere. He was right because Freddie looked at him with a cheeky smile. “I suspect it went well?”

“I suppose so, yes.”

Freddie rolled his eyes and took a sip of his tea. “I know being the quiet stoic, is your thing and all… and I can do a lot… but I still can’t read minds, so would you care to tell me what’s going on in that genius mind of yours?”

John couldn’t help but chuckle, “okay fine.” He hesitated before continuing, wondering how to say this without bursting into flames from embarrassment. “The talk was good, we talked everything out and told each other how we felt, which is great, but things are uhm…. tense… I guess you could say.” He explained; he wasn’t sure he was making any sense.

What he really meant to say was that after their talk, they only kissed, which was all nice in itself and John liked it as much as the next guy, but other than that nothing happened yet. It looked like Roger was taking his comment about ‘a step at a time’ very seriously and kept a strict no hands below the belt policy, which John could appreciate for Roger being serious about them, but it was starting to worry him a bit, maybe Roger didn’t want to move any further. Deep down he knew that was ridiculous, but his mind wouldn’t listen to him.

Freddie raised an eyebrow, “tense?”

John bit his lip, really not too fond of discussing these kinds of things with anyone, but he was sure Freddie would listen. “We sort of agreed to take things slow.” He said quietly looking over his shoulder to make sure no one would be listening in on them, “but it looks like Roger is taking that very literal.”

“Meaning?”

John sighed a little impatiently, “he won’t touch me besides kissing me.”

Freddie looked a little surprised, “really?” he lit a cigarette and took a drag before continuing. “I find that hard to believe… this is Roger we are talking about, right? the same guy that has been lusting after you for more than a year?”

John blushed a little, “I’m serious.”

“You know what you got to do then don’t you?” Freddie said with a cheeky smile as he leaned in closer and turned his head to blow out smoke.

“What?” John raised his eyebrows in curiosity.

Freddie smiled and took another sip of his tea, “take matters into your own hands.”

 

 

 

***

 

 

 

John had been thinking all day about what Freddie said that morning, he had just come back from class and was walking up to the flat trying to fish his keys out of his backpack, when he finally found them and reached the door, it opened before he could stick the keys into the lock.

“Oh, hey John.”

“Hi, you’re going out?”

Brian looked back at him with a smile, “Yeah, I was just on my way to the library, have to finish a paper…so see you later.” he said as he walked past him.

“Yeah see you.” John replied when he stepped in the flat and closed the door behind him.

He put his bag down on one of the kitchen chairs and glanced over at the living room where Roger was lying down on the sofa, reading a magazine. He peered over the top of it and his eyes lit up when he saw John. He closed the magazine and put it down on the coffee table when John walked over to him. “Hey you.”  

“Hi.” John replied and ducked his head to kiss him. John had been surprised how this had become so normal, maybe it was because they were such good friends before all of this. He sat down next to him and looked at him. Roger was still wearing his joggers and sleep shirt, he cocked one eyebrow, “it looks like you had a productive day… did you even leave the sofa?”

Roger chuckled, “Yes actually.”

“To get food doesn’t count.” He quickly interjected and looked at the bag of crisps and the bottle of coke that were both on the table. “If you call that food.” he mumbled under his breath.  

“What do you mean _doesn’t count…_ I got up for it, didn’t I?”

John rolled his eyes and shook his head in amusement. “If you say so.”

“Fine, I’ll get up.” Roger chuckled and stood up, “had to take a shower anyway.”

“I was wondering when you were going to do that.”

Roger stuck out his tongue and made his way to the bathroom, while John went to make himself something to eat. He felt a bit on edge, Freddie’s words from earlier that day kept ringing through his head. He was pretty sure Roger wouldn’t make a move tonight, so maybe Freddie was right, and did he really need to take matter into his own hands. That fact scared him a little, the thought of being rejected didn’t seem appealing

After finishing his food, he went to his bedroom to try and study a little, which was a lost cause because his thoughts kept drifting and he kept trying to decide what to do. He didn’t get the chance to think about it some more, because Roger peeked his head through the door.

“You busy?”

“No.” he said and putting away his book that he hadn’t even opened yet.

Roger came in and closed the door behind him gently. He was wearing clean joggers and a zip up hoodie, he rolled over John, making him laugh, to sit next to him against the headboard of the bed.

“That’s not how most people get on a bed.” John stated.

Roger smirked, “I’m not most people.”

“No, you’re not.”

John started to pick on the sheets absentmindedly, giving his hands something to do now that he and Roger were alone. He was pretty sure Freddie wasn’t home either, so they had the place to themselves. Not that he would care if the others would home, but it was rather convenient.

When Roger placed his hand on his, he looked up at him to see him smiling at him. “You are doing it again.” he said and took his hand in his.

“What…?” and he looked at his hand, “oh…”

Roger knew about this habit of his; whenever something was bothering him or when he was anxious, he started picking on things, be it on his sleeve, his hair or anything else he could get his hands on, he needed to relief some of his stress.

“What’s bothering you?” he asked softly.

John took a deep breath; he wasn’t shy or never took initiative. But at this moment everything made him question himself, he really didn’t know how to talk about this without sounding silly. He wondered if he was maybe to needy. 

“It’s nothing.” he deflected, but of course Roger wasn’t taking none of that.

Roger cocked an eyebrow and looked at him in disbelief. “Very believable.” He said sarcastically.

John fingers ached to start picking on something again, but he resisted, “just been thinking about something.” He said eventually.

“Care to share?”

He started biting his bottom lip, before he looked at Roger. He didn’t understand why he was so nervous; he just was.

He shifted a little on the bed and Roger looked at him when he sat on his knees and leaned in to press his lips against his softly, before pulling back a little studying the look in his eyes. It had the desired effect, because Roger pulled John towards him by his shirt and kissed him more eagerly, his hands moving down to his hips. John climbed in his lap and rested one hand on Roger’s shoulder and tangled the other in his hair as they kissed. He lightly pulled on his hair, making Roger moan softly against his lips. When he broke the kiss, he gently tugged on Roger’s lip with his teeth, and kissed over his jaw to his neck.    

“If you wanted to kiss me, you could have just told me so.” Roger said a little breathlessly.

John smiled against his neck, “I think I’m being quite clear?” He kissed his way down and moved one hand to the zipper of Roger's hoodie, zipping it open and pushing it off his shoulders.

“Well, yes… but…” the rest of the sentence got cut off when Roger moaned softly because John pressed himself closer and rocked his hips a little. One of Roger's hand had found the hem of John’s shirt and was now tracing random shapes on his back, making John shiver. He looked back at Roger and caught his lips with his own again, while he kept rocking his hips against his slowly.

Roger broke the kiss when John’s hand travelled down to the waistline of his joggers. “What happened to taking it a step at a time…” Roger asked, his voice sounding hoarse.

“Is that really what you want?” John asked, breathless himself. “Because if you do, we can stop now.” He pulled back his hand and moved away from Roger a little.

Roger’s hand reached for him, “no…”

“No?” he smiled.

He let out a surprised sound when Roger moved and switched their positions, pinning John down on the mattress, his hands on either side of his head, he smiled. “Quite the opposite really.”

Relief swept over John, worry was replaced by excitement and he already forgot why he was even worried. Roger dropped down to kiss him again, before moving to his neck and sucking a mark there. John moaned when Roger rocked against him and he could feel his erection against his own.

He slid his hands over his back, sliding up his shirt in the process, making Roger pull it over his head and throwing it somewhere on the floor. Before Roger could lean in again and kiss him, John pressed his hand against his chest, sitting up a little a pushing Roger back gently. He looked at him in confusion, “something wrong.”

John smiled, “no.” and he pushed him back further, so that he was on his propped up on his elbows looking at him, his pupils dilated, waiting in anticipation for what John was about to do. He crawled up Roger’s body and kissed him briefly before moving to his jaw, pressing kisses there and over to his neck. Roger sighed and tipped his head a little to give him more room. John could still smell the faint scent of his body wash.

He moved down in a slow pace, dragging his teeth gently over his collarbone, kissing down his sternum to his stomach. He let his fingers drag down over his torso and his side. Roger gasped softly and writhed under him. John smiled against his skin, looking up at him through his lashes, seeing him with his eyes closed and biting at his bottom lip.

When John moved his hands to pull down his Joggers, Roger shifted a little, “what are you doing?”

John looked up at him and smirked. “I was planning on sucking you off.” he simply stated, searching his eyes.

“Fuck.” Roger swallowed, further words had left him, and he raised his hips while John pulled his pants down to his knees.

John chuckled. “Does that work for you?”

Roger bit his bottom lip again and nodded. He laid back on his elbows and watched John, he stretched out one leg and bent the other one slightly. John pressed a kiss to the bend of his knee and traced his fingers over his thigh. Roger shivered and moaned a little when John nipped on his inner thigh before kissing it. He hooked his fingers in his boxers and pulled them down without warning, revealing his cock.

They locked eyes when John took him in his mouth, he pressed his hands down on Roger’s hips to keep him from bucking up.

“Oh… yes… _fuck_.” Roger moaned and tipped his head back a little.

John pulled back slightly, before going down again, circling his tongue around his cock and moving back up to suck on the head. He looked up again to see Roger was trying his best to watch him, his lips parted, a moan escaping him again, his hands gripping the sheets when John started bobbing his head. John moved one hand to rest against the outside of his thigh and he could feel Roger trembling.

Roger kept watching him as he pulled off and licked with the flat of his tongue from the base of his cock to the tip before wrapping his lips around the head again and slowly taking all of him in. Roger shuddered and had trouble keeping his eyes open. John swallowed around him, and he could feel Roger grab his hair and pull on it gently. John moaned a little and Roger cursed under his breath because of the vibrations it caused. John pulled back slightly and wrapped his hand around the base of his cock and stroked him, while he swirled his tongue around the head and sucked. He slid his other hand up Roger’s chest, dragging his nails down his stomach.  

Roger moaned again, “John… _fuck_ … I’m going to…”

John hummed, to let him know he heard him and put his hands on Roger’s hip again to adjust his hold on him when he felt him tense, he sucked one last time before Roger came in his mouth, a litany of curse words, mixed with John’s name escaping his lips. John pulled off, reaching for a few tissues from his nightstand and spat in it, leaving it on the ground to be dealt with later.

Roger was catching his breath, his breathing heavy, John kissed Roger’s stomach and his chest, before looking at him. He smiled, “doing alright?”

“Bloody hell Deaky,” Roger said while he pulled up his boxers and pants again, he sighed and pulled him into a kiss, “that was amazing.” He said while his lips moved to John’s neck.

John shivered when Roger nibbled on his ear. “Was it?” he asked, placing his hands on Roger’s chest.

“Yeah.” Roger mumbled against his neck, his hand made its way down to John’s jeans, quickly unbuttoning it and pushing it down his thighs, before spitting in his hand and sliding his hand down his boxers, wrapping his hand around John’s now aching cock. “I think someone could use a little attention as well.” He whispered in his ear and tipped John over, so he was now laying on his back.

He blinked up at Roger and shivered when Roger started stroking him slowly, he gasped and bucked up his hips. Roger moved from his neck to his jaw to his lips again and kissed him again. John closed his eyes; he knew he wouldn’t last very long after listening to Roger’s moans for the last few minutes.

Roger circled the tip of his cock with his thumb and increased the pace of his hand. John broke the kiss and tipped his head back, letting out a series of gasps and moans, his hips jerked involuntarily. Roger slipped his other hand under John’s shirt and slid his hand down his side. He moved down and pressed kisses all over John’s stomach.

John toes started to curl, tangling his fingers in Roger’s hair when he started stroking him hard and fast. His mind didn’t ever register the last few moments and it only took a few hard strokes for him to come over Roger’s hand, rolling up his hips, his back arching off the bed.   

Roger left a few kisses on his stomach and sucked a mark just above his hip while John was still catching his breath. He reached for Roger and pulled him up to lay half on top of him and kissed him slowly until they both needed air. John pulled up his pants and buried his face in Roger’s neck, feeling perfectly relaxed.

Roger stroked his back, “can you remind me again why we agreed to moving things slow in the first place?”

John looked up at him and smiled because of the twinkle in his eyes and his messy hair, making him even more beautiful, “temporary moment of insanity?”

“Probably,” Roger nodded, “you know that moving slow is off the table now, right?” he added with a cheeky smile.

“Ohhh?” John raised his eyebrows in amusement, “I don’t remember agreeing to that.” He teased.

“Are you kidding? Now that I know what that mouth of yours can do…” he brushed his thumb over John’s bottom lip. “you can hardly blame me.”

John laughed softly and he could feel his cheeks heat up. He sat back down on his knees, before getting of the bed and went to open his bedroom door.

“Where are you going?” Roger questioned.

He turned back to Roger, leaning in the doorframe, “the bathroom, wanted to take a shower.” he pointed over his shoulder.

“Okay.” Roger said as he took a magazine from John’s nightstand, leaning back against the headboard of John’s bed.

John tilted his head and smiled at Roger, “aren’t you going to join me?” he asked innocently.

He couldn’t help but laugh when Roger’s eyes widened and he’s scrambled off the bed, almost tripping over his own feet in his haste to follow John who was already walking towards the bathroom.  

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading, I was nervous for putting up this chapter for multiple reasons xD so hope you enjoyed it. 
> 
> I would love to know what you think, thanks again for all the patience. <3


	6. Chapter VI

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Freddie and Brian deal with the new couple in the house. John and Roger enjoy their time together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So wow that took a long time, I'm so so sorry, beginning the sound like a broken record here. Thanks everyone that continued to support this fic even though it seems to take forever for me to update. It so very much appreciated and I love reading your comments so thank you! <3 I hope you'll like this chapter, and let me know what you think. 
> 
> Mostly fluff, also a little smut ;)

**Chapter VI**

 

 

 

Freddie woke up by steady banging against his wall, he flicked on his light with an annoyed groan. “For fuck sake… this is getting ridiculous.” He muttered angrily as he pushed back his duvet with some force and stepped out of bed. When he stepped into the living room, he noticed Brian already sitting at the kitchen table, a steaming cup of tea in front of him. He was reading a magazine, or rather trying to not let his eyes fall closed and sleep on the kitchen table again. He looked up when Freddie approached him, he raised his eyebrows and a small smile tugged on the corners of his lips in understanding, the dark circles under his eyes told Freddie that Brian was just as tired as Freddie felt.

“Fred.” Brian nodded as he blew on his tea before he took a sip, not addressing the awkwardness of the situation.

“We have to talk to them you know… this bloody well can’t go on like this…they’re keeping the whole bloody house awake.” he started, “I haven’t had a good night’s sleep in two weeks… I’m pretty sure my bags have bags by now.” He exclaimed dramatically rubbing his eyes in case Brian didn’t understand the severity of it all.

Brian sighed, “I know Fred, but what can we really do about it?”

“Talk to them!”

“That’s a conversation I rather avoid.”

“Don’t be a baby…”

Brian rolled his eyes. “You are one to talk, you…”

He couldn’t finish that sentence being interrupted by a loud moan coming from Roger’s bedroom, making them both look up in discomfort and annoyance. Next came a few curse words followed by more moaning and again steady thumping against the wall.

Freddie aggravatedly pointed at the door. “See! My point right there!”

“I know.” Brian sighed again, brushing his fingers through his hair making it even more messy than it already was. “Believe me this will pass; they are probably just making up for lost time or something.”

“Lost time my ass! They are fucking like rabbits every fucking day!” Freddie looked like he was slowly beginning to lose his mind. “I’m going to pass out if I don’t get some proper sleep soon.”

Brian laughed. “At least you’ll get some rest then.”

Freddie wasn’t in the mood for jokes and he stomped his feet on the ground like a child that didn’t get his way. “Brian…” he whined. “Please… just knock on the door so they will stop.”

“I will do no such thing.” Brian said firmly. “I don’t want a nagging Roger on my back for interrupting his shag.”

The corner of Freddie’s mouth quirked up in a smirk, he knew Brian was right about that. “John will not let him…” he said not sounding too sure about that either.

“Just sit down Fred, I’ll make you some tea.” Brian said shaking his head as he got up from his seat and went to put the kettle on. “I’m sure they will get tired of it eventually.”

Freddie sat down like Brian told him, rubbing his temples, “not bloody likely.” He muttered under his breath.

 

 

 

***

 

 

Long and slow thrusts, driving John insane and giving him immense pleasure at the same time. His nails scratched Roger’s skin. John’s hands moving down to Roger’s hips trying to pull him closer. It never felt like it was enough, all he wanted was more, more of Roger, more of what he could offer him. Never wanting to leave their little bubble. The only thing he was focused on was Roger moving on top of him, and their slow love making. 

It had been like this ever since they ‘talked’ about the topic itself, and now they didn’t seem to able to stop anymore. Sometimes it was like this; slow, sweet and they could take forever, or that’s what it felt like. Other times it was something different entirely; rough and fast, intense. But never short of love.

His eyelashes fluttered and soft moan escaped his lips when Roger wrapped John’s legs around his waist, which made John feel him even more. He tilted his head back in the pillows, giving Roger the opportunity to run his lips down his throat and up his neck to his ear, feeling Roger’s heavy breathing tickle his ear, the extra sensations making him feel like he was losing his mind.   

He wondered if it was healthy; the amount of times they had sex. He flushed all over just thinking about it. Sex with Roger was different, better than he could have ever imagined. He knew that was cliché, but it was the truth. He forced himself to open his eyes so he could look at what Roger was doing. His hair was messy, pupils blown, he kissed every inch of skin he could reach, leaving John’s skin tingling.  

Roger then looked up at him, he was looking at John with so much love in his eyes, it made him blush even more. Roger seemed to notice, because his mouth curved into a smile before he leaned down to capture John’s lips with his own. They shared a sloppy kiss as Roger kept pushing into him, edging him closer with ever thrust.

“Oh… yes...yes, like that.” John moaned and arched his back when Roger increased his pace, moving his own hips to meet Roger’s.

“Fuck… John.” Roger dropped his forehead against his shoulder while letting out more moans, his thrust losing their steady rhythm. 

John was so close, white hot pleasure clouded his mind and all he could do was hold on to Roger. Their moans and the sound of the headboard against the wall filled the room. Roger whispered sweet nothings in his ear as he wrapped his hand around his cock and stroked him in time with his thrusts.

It didn’t take long for John’s orgasm to hit him hard and he cried out Roger’s name, digging his fingers in his hips, surely leaving marks. Roger followed soon after with a muffled groan in John’s neck, he rode out his own high with weak rolls of his hips. He then pulled out of him and collapsed half on top of John resting his head on his chest.

They didn’t move for a good ten minutes, the only sounds in the room was the heavy breathing of both of them as they tried to get back into a normal breathing rhythm. John closed his eyes for a minute until he felt Roger kissing his chest. He opened his eyes again and let out a soft giggle, “tickles…” and pulled softly on Roger’s hair.

Roger sniggered and left more kisses up to John’s neck and over his jaw to the corner of his mouth, before kissing him softly. “I love you.” He said when he pulled away, seemingly surprising himself when he said it.

John’s heart skipped a beat, they hadn’t actually said those three words to each other yet, even though John felt them, saying then was different. He stared in those blue eyes that looked back at him with a certain vulnerability in them. Roger wasn’t the sort of guy that showed that side of him to many people, only those important enough to him were lucky enough to get to see that once in a while.

John could see the slight change in expression when he looked at Roger, and when he was about to avert his eyes, John reached out to push a strand of hair out of his face. “I love you.” he said with a soft smile.

The sparkle in Roger’s eyes returned, he then went ahead to kiss John senseless, which made John laugh. “You’re silly.”

“I know… but I don’t care, I’m just happy.” Roger said and laid down next to John, resting his hands behind his head a content smile on his face. 

John grimaced when he looked down at the mess on his stomach. “Well you may be happy, but you made me a right mess.”

“You didn’t seem to mind a few minutes ago.” Roger said cheekily.

“You’re terrible.” John said shaking his head with a smile.

 

 

 

***

 

 

 

“Could you please focus and stop looking at Deaky’s ass every few seconds!” Freddie called from the other side of the room where he was sitting down with a notepad on his lap.

“What! I wasn’t!”

“Leave my ass out of it!”

Both Roger and John shouted from the other side of the room, John blushing like crazy and Roger acting innocent even though he was totally missing beats because John’s backside was distracting.

“Oh please, don’t act like you are not doing it, you missed at least ten beats in the last ten minutes.” Freddie pointed out.

“Did not!” Roger called as he hit his bass drum, before getting up.

“You are insufferable!”

“Guys?” Brian interjected with no avail.

“You always do this, saying you didn’t do something when you clearly do it, I’m seeing it with my own two eyes… I’m not blind you know.” Freddie rambled, putting his notepad on the table with more force than strictly necessary.

“Guys…?” John tried.

“You are always accusing me of things! Even when I’m not doing anything.”

“Oh… so you also didn’t bang Deaky last night and kept the whole house awake?”

Roger opened his mouth to retort, but John was faster, his face now bright red. “Freddie!”

“What?” Freddie smirked. “Don’t be ashamed… but can you be a little bit more quiet about it.”

“Is that why you are being so bitchy lately?” Roger questioned, before John could crawl into himself and die out of embarrassment.

“Can you blame me! You two are loud and I haven’t slept properly in two weeks…”

“Oh, don’t be such a drama queen.”

“Hey… you are bloody right I am!”

Brian sighed and put his guitar down. “What Freddie is trying to say is that… the two of you…” he paused and rolled his eyes as he tried to get the next thing out of his mouth. “god help me… you two been having a lot of sex lately… and…”

“You are keeping us up! And probably the rest of the building.” Freddie interrupted Brian who was trying to be nice about the whole thing. “I don’t care if you are fucking, just keep in mind you have roommates? Please?”

John’s face was burning, and Roger cleared his throat seemingly at a loss for words, which was a first. “Sorry guys, we didn’t realise.” John said sounding apologetic.

Roger nodded, “won’t happen again…”

“Really, you won’t be having sex anymore?” Freddie smiled cheekily.

“Oh… you know what I mean!” Roger said rolling his eyes a small smile tugging at his lips.

“Right… can we get back to it?” Brian asked.

John agreed, wishing the ground would swallow him whole. “Yes please.”

Roger went back to sit at his kit while lighting a cigarette and holding it between his lips, he then hit one of his cymbals. “Let’s do it, so I can look at John’s bum again.”

“Roger!!!” The rest of them called.

 

 

 

***

 

 

 

It was raining when John and Roger got back from the cinema, not just a little rain, no it was like the sky broke open and didn’t care if they got soaked to the bone. John shivered when they finally got back to their flat. He quickly threw out his coat, his wet hair sticking to his face.

“We should have brought an umbrella.” Roger said as he pulled of his own coat.

“It’s fine… I’ll just blame you when I get a cold.” John teased as he walked to his room.

“Why me?”

“Because you wanted to go to the cinema on foot, even though it was already cloudy outside.”

“We live in the UK… it’s always cloudy out.”  Roger said as he went to his own bedroom.

John laughed, “well I’m still blaming you… and you better make it up to me.”

“Oh... don’t worry, I intend to.” Roger called from his bedroom.

John snorted and went to his bedroom to get some dry clothes, he changed into a pair of sweatpants and looked for one of his hoodie’s but couldn’t find it. Figuring Roger had taken it. Roger was already in the kitchen making tea. “Rog? did you take my blue hoodie?”

“Probably… must be in my room somewhere.” He called from the kitchen.

John nodded and went to look. At first, he couldn’t find it and opened the drawers of Roger’s closet, he might have put it there thinking it was his own, or more likely he just wanted to steal it for himself. When he reached the last drawer, he still hadn’t found it. When he opened it however, he couldn’t help but let out a soft chuckle. On the hoodie was the picture Roger had taken of him when they were packing his things when he had to move out of his flat. He had agreed to give it to Roger when it was developed. He did but forgot about it completely.  John didn’t particularly like the photo, he thought he looked awfully young and his smile made him feel insecure, so he wondered why Roger kept it. 

“Did you find it?” Roger asked leaning in the doorway.

“Yes… I did.” He said and pulled out the piece of clothing and put it on. “Also found this.” He said and held up the photo.

“Oh.” Roger said as his eyes scanned the photo an awkward smile on his face.

“What is a photo of me doing in your drawer?” He teased.

“You agreed I could keep it.” Roger said and walked up to him, trying to grab it from his hands.

John turned away from him with a grin. “I know… but why is it here specifically?”

“Not sure.”

“No?”

“Mhm.”

“Really Rog?”

Roger smiled innocently. “What?”

“Well… my photo is in a bottom drawer of your closet… what am I supposed to think?”

“I don’t know… what do you think?”

“Roger Taylor, did you wank off to my photo?” John said laughing, waving the photo in his face.

“Maybe…?” Roger said laughing as well.

“Maybe?”

“Only once… but it was months ago… when we weren’t even together.”

John was full on laughing now, he didn’t care, it was hilarious. “It’s not even a good photo.”

Roger tried to take the picture from him. “Well I like it... you look cute in it… and I was the one who took it.”

John’s heart melted a little. “Then why hide it.”

“Don’t know… thought you would tease me with… as you are doing now.” He chuckled.

“I’m not teasing you because of the photo, I’m teasing you because you used it as wank material and then hid it.”

Roger raised his eyebrows in amusement. “Fair enough… just the once though I promise.”

“I don’t care about that… It’s okay to have a photo of me Rog… just wish it was a better one.” John shrugged as he handed the photo back to Roger.

Roger sat down on the bed and looked at it, he then looked up to John. “I love it… I loved that day and it reminds me of it… because back then I could only have your photo, but what I really wanted was you… and now I finally have you.”

John smiled, he walked towards him and climbed in his lap, pushing Roger’s still slightly damp hair out of his face, his other hand resting on his shoulder. “You are just a big softy, aren’t you?”

“One of my many qualities.” Roger said cheekily, putting a hand on the small of his back.

John snorted, before ducking his head and pressing a kiss to his lips. “Modesty not being one of them.”

Roger faked being insulted and slipped his arm around John’s small waist and flipped him on his back, making John yelp in surprise, he stared up at him his eyes sparkling, a soft blush covering his cheeks as Roger hovered over him. Roger leaned in to kiss the base of his throat, up to his neck, to whisper softly is his ear. “There are other things I do well.”

John giggled and curled a hand around the back of Roger’s neck, tangling his fingers in his hair. “Why don’t you show me.”

 

 

 

***

 

 

 

John was studying in the library; he had been most of the day. When John had exams, he could easily lock himself away for a whole day to make sure he would do well on his tests. Even though Queen was doing well, he still needed that security to know he had something to fall back on. He was entirely focussed on his books and notes that he didn’t notice someone silently come up to him. He jumped when arms wrapped around his shoulders and pressed a kiss to the back of his neck. He relaxed when the familiar scent of Roger invaded his senses.  

“Sorry… didn’t mean to scare you.”

John leaned into his touch, just noticing how cramped his muscles were from sitting there the entire day. “That’s okay.” He turned his head slightly so he could look at him. “what are you doing here?”

Roger let go of him and slipped on a chair next to him, his knees turned to him. “No reason, was bored at home, thought I’d come look for you and see if you were done for the day, figured we could go and get something to eat together.”

John turned his wrist and looked at his watch, not realising it was already this late. “Oh yeah, we can do that.” He stood up and collected his books and put them in his backpack, putting on his coat.

Five minutes later they were outside, it was chilly, but not too cold for the end of October. Roger was in a great mood and happily talking about how they had booked a big gig next week and that they had almost made enough money to get studio time. John looked at Roger from the corner of his eye, smiling at the excitement that radiated of him; how he always managed to look so effortless was beyond him.

They ended up in a small Italian place. Roger insisted on ordering extra garlic bread even though he had ordered a large pizza. “I will definitely not be kissing you tonight.” John teased as Roger took a bite from his second piece of garlic bread.

“Your loss.” Roger said with a wink while he took another bite.

Even after being together, John would still feel warm whenever Roger leg would brush his or when he brushed his fingers over the back of John’s hand. Sometimes Roger really made John feel like he was a teenager all over again. After finishing their meal, they shared tiramisu and paid when the restaurant told them they were closing. They spent way too much time in the park taking the long way around back to their flat. Roger did manage to sneak a kiss from John to which he had crinkled his nose and teasingly told him he could use a mint, before running away from him laughing.   

“I’ll never kiss you again!” Roger said laughing equally as hard as he chased him back to their flat.

“You wouldn’t last a day.”

“Is that a challenge?” he asked as he caught up and pinned John against the door to their flat.

John wriggled a little, cocking one eyebrow in amusement. “You really want to go there?”

Roger smiled cheekily and let go of him. “No… wouldn’t want to deprive you of my kisses.”

“Again… you’re terrible.” John said laughing softly while he opened the door.

"Don't you mean terribly handsome?"

John just rolled his eyes.

  

 

 

***

 

 

“So, I got you something.”

“What?”

John was laying with his back against Roger’s chest, his fingers softly tracing random shapes on John’s bare thigh, his breath tickled as Roger pressed kisses to his neck. He almost forgot what he was saying. He didn’t want to move because he was so comfortable, Roger also protested when he did.

“No… stay.” Roger whined and put his arm around his waist to prevent John from moving.

John chuckled. “I just have to get something from under my bed.”

“Oh, what dirty secrets do you have under there?”

“Wouldn’t you like to know?” John teased.

“Very much so.”

“Well nothing dirty…” John said as he reached down and found what he was looking for. He handed Roger a box that was wrapped in some unattractive wrapping paper. “But hopefully you will like it just as much.”

Roger sat up as John gave him the box, looking at it curiously. “What’s this for?” he asked with a soft smile.

“Just open it.”

John didn’t need to tell him twice, because Roger ripped of the wrapping paper like a happy kid on Christmas morning. John watched him in anticipation.

“John… this is way too expensive.” Roger said as the box revealed what was in it, he opened the box and pulled out the polaroid camera John had got him.

“Well you won’t get a birthday present.”

“Not even birthday sex?”

John rolled his eyes, “I’ll think about it.”

Roger smiled and looked down at his present, “don’t get me wrong, this is great, but why, what’s the occasion?”

“Well the photo in your drawer made me think… you said you liked the photo because it made you think of that day. That made me realise that we don’t have many pictures of us together yet… so now you can take your own… and make more memories.” He rubbed the back of his neck a little awkwardly, wondering if this maybe was too cheesy.

Roger looked at him fondly and moved forward to kiss him softly. “Thank you.”

“So, you like it?”

“I love it.” He said and pecked his lips again. “You have to do something for me though.”

“Okay?” John looked at him in confusion.

“And don’t say no right away…”

“No…”

“You don’t even know what I’m going to ask you!” Roger exclaimed with a smirk on his face.

“No…” John repeated as he picked up his underwear and pyjama bottoms from the floor, pulling them back on.

“Oh… come on Deaky!”

“Roger… you will not, and I repeat you will not take any dirty pictures of me!”

“You can do it yourself; it can be a gift for my birthday.” Roger tried fully laughing now.

“You’re a pervert.” John groaned as he laid back on the bed, covering his face with his arm, hiding the smile that was forming on his lips. He would never hear the end of this.

 

 

  

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading <3 it wasn't as long as the other chapters, but hopefully you liked it all the same. I would love to know what you think and thanks again for all he patience.


End file.
